Hello My Friends!!!
I know how it's been FOREVER!!!! There is so much to update and hopefully this will explain why I have not blogged in sooooooo long!!!!
On September 27th my husband and I found out that we were pregnant. Of course this was a surprise to us. Needless to say our heads began to spin. Should we move? Do we buy a car? How can we afford this? Names? What to do next? Though we were surprised and shocked we were also very excited. This threw a wrench in everything!
First of all: My weight loss journey. I was not down to the weight I would have liked to been. Plus it put everything on hold. Since not only I CANNOT lose weight while pregnant I was going to GAIN weight. This bothered me because part of the reason why I wanted to lose weight aside from health and good looks. I want to be smaller so that my weight didn't affect my pregnancy. (I know I'm not super overweight, but there has been a trend in my family to have difficult pregnancy first time around and I wanted to be as healthy as possible for that day, thinking it would be in 3-5 years not RIGHT NOW!!) So I decided to continue to work out and attempt to eat as healthy as possible and try not to give into all of my cravings. I craved a few things but mainly just avoided a lot of foods that made me nauseous.
Second of all: My life drastically changed and keeping it a secret was hard to do. Everything at my work made me want to throw up. So keeping my cool and color was tough. On top of that I stopped going out. I know I could still go out and be sociable, but I was sooo tired that I just wanted to go straight home lay down and munch on saltines or pickles. I told a few people but the majority didn't know and I was searching for excuses for being so tired and never wanting to go out.
Third of all: I took on a second job for a week working at the fair. So I was surrounded by food temptation and was tired beyond all reason. Working the fair, then work. Right after the fait I signed on to intern for a film. So I get pregnant and immediately get super busy and just don't slow down to let my body adjust.
Finally all of our fiancees, living situation, everything would drastically change and we didn't know where to begin.
As you can tell my world was spinning and my life was moving at about 100mph. So finding time to blog was nowhere to be found.
On October 18th I went in for my 8 week doctor appointment. I was excited to see how the baby progressed and hear the heart beat. The doctor comes in does the ultra sound and nothing. He keeps looking makes a face and ends the ultra sound. He pointed out the sac with the egg sac inside and what looked like another egg sac. He figured I wasn't as far along as thought and to come back in week to see if the baby had progressed. He also wanted to take some blood track my hormonal growth and see how far they are growing incase it is twins. I was asked to come back on Wednesday to take my blood again. I received a call from my doctor Wednesday he looked at my lab and was concerned. My hormones were so high that there should have been a baby and a heartbeat in the ultrasound. He needed me to come back to take more blood and track the hormonal growth. I wasn't able to make it back on Wednesday so I went on thursday.
At that moment, my head was out of control. I didn't know what to think, what to feel, how to react. Thankfully, I was able to talk to my mom and she really encouraged me and prayed over me. I went in on Thursday to take my blood and waiting for the results was so hard. All day friday I jumped every time my phone rang and kept checking the clock. Finally, 1:45pm I got the call. My hormones had gone down. Which means the baby had stopped developing and it was an abnormal pregnancy.
My heart dropped. I couldn't breathe. All I could do was cry. I just cried in my husbands arms until I had no more tears. He was great, he held me, told me that it would be ok and that we would get through this. All week my husband and I prayed and kept saying "God this is in you're hands" so when we heard the news we just prayed "God we put this in your hands and now we need you" My husband asked me what I wanted to do that night and all I wanted was family. So we called the family and all of them were able to get together. We had dinner and just were with each other. Seeing my nieces and nephews was more helpful than I thought. Just playing with them and being able to hold baby Maddie brought so much warmth to my heart. It was so good to have family around to know that we are loved and have a support.
Yesterday I had a final ultra sound for closure and a chance to decide what to do next. Unfortunately this has not taken care of itself naturally. We decided to wait just a little bit longer and if nothing happens to go ahead and move forward with a medication that will move things along. This was a tough decision, but I feel at peace the most with this decision. Once everything has passed on, and I can move forward I will restart my weight loss journey. So please keep us in your prayers. I will keep everyone updated.
Oh Faith Im so sorry for y'alls loss. :( *HUGE GIGANTIC HUG!* Just remember you can always try again, and that's the fun part. :)
ReplyDeleteFaith~I don't always read your blogs but I'm so glad I read this one, even though it made me cry. We went through the same thing 10 years ago so I totally know what you're going through. It's hard but stay strong and never give up. It was a total shock to us that I was pregnant too. We just tried to make the best of the situation and think on any positive thing. Now we want a baby so bad but we're trying to wait until Paris gets out of school. I just try not to think about it as best I can and enjoy days without kids because life totally will change when we have them...not in a bad way just an adjustment. Keep your head up and meditate on God's promises to you. I will be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteDear Heart - our love and prayers are with you. We love you!! (this is Carrie... on Tom's account)
ReplyDeletePraying for you dear. I too have been through this. Know that your sweet hubby is right, God will get you through this. He is faithful.
ReplyDeleteThe Lord stretches us sometimes and it's difficult. But His desire is to work in us, bringing us into a place of true relationship, closeness with Him; a place we often never seek until our world is shaken. Keep looking to the One who loves you more than words can express. He's reaching out to you, able to hold you up.
Prayer, love and blessing, Marti
Dear Faith -- a few weeks ago I couldn't place you until the memory of the warm, supportive, joyful person I'd known back in the American Clock days flooded back. I wanted to hug you then just for the memory of you. Now I want to hug you again and not only because you are in pain and might need it, but for the wise, insightful, reflective woman you are clearly still very much in the process of becoming. It sounds like I will have to wait my turn in line. Between your faith, your husband, your immediate and extended family and a tribe of friends as scattered and widespread as the love you have given and received, are giving and receiving, you may by this time be suffering from severe over-hugging. If so, it certainly ain't the worst condition to be in. There used to be an expression that arose sometime in the 80s: That which does not kill me makes me stronger. In retrospect it seems to me it misses the mark. Loss, sometimes devastating loss, is as much and as inevitable a part of life as love. In my college library there were repetitions in many languages that The Beginning of Wisdom is Fear of the Lord. To me, now, the beginning of wisdom is to accept that the point and purpose of each individual turn in the road is beyond my understanding. Accepting that limitation does make me stronger. God Bless you and keep you, eponymously named Faith.
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