Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Week 16 Day 2

Confession: I was actually somewhat successful at eating healthy yesterday.

I got up, had a decent breakfast, worked out, stayed on track with lunch, then went out to dinner with the family and still was able to order a rather healthy meal. I like to think I've been doing this all along but I have definitely derailed over the past 3 or 4 weeks.
However, I am getting back on track and that is what matters. I even managed to think through what I will need to pack for lunches while I'm at work, so my grocery store trip was more successful than usual. So goal is to stay on track make it to the gym 3-4 more times this week.

I've realized I've been in a rut for the past few weeks and I need to make changes. This is more difficult than getting started. I always start off really good, but get tired and lazy and lose focus. My trainer says its all in the mind and I just have to change my mind set....I'm changing 26 years of bad habits and laziness. There is a lot of work to be done. Not to mention my job greatly effects my efforts. Being surrounded by food all the time, and around young college kids who's metabolism is still in high gear and can get away with eating late at night, or eating crap food. One of the things I struggle with is post work. Everyone, especially on the weekends wants to go out to unwind from work. I usually am one of them because I get so amped from running around, dealing with so many people, working at a fast pace, etc...going out just seems natural. On top of that my husband works graveyard, so I work when he does, even though I get off late at night, he is either on his way to work or already at work. So I come home to an empty house, no husband to talk to, unwind with, or just be with. Its me and the dog, and the TV and the want to eat. Going out with friends has turned into a coping-mechanism to deal with not seeing my husband when I get off work. Which in turn has turned into late night eating of bad food.

This journey has forced me to face my emotional eating, and the sources from which it stems. It has been rough and there is still a lot to dig through. I feel many changes in my life will happen because of this journey.


Sunday, September 26, 2010

Week 15 Day 6

Confession: Last week I was on vacation and I ate horribly.

Last week my In-Laws were staying at Grand Lake, so my husband and I drove out to stay with them. It was a very relaxing week, we slept in, hung out, played lots of cards, and ate. Some of the food was good food. However, there were snacky foods that weren't so great, candy, chips, etc. We also ate out as well, so overall not a good food week. I did manage to work out a little while on vacation, but not enough to make up for the poor food choices I was making. We are back now, I will get back on track.

What bothers me is as I go through this process I've realized that my thought process towards food is very twisted. First it was addressing my emotionally eating, that I reason in my head I can eat what I want when I'm emotional. Then facing the idea that people reward us with bad food. Now it's "oh I'm on vacation" I can let down because I'm on vacation. The list grows from there, its the holidays, its my birthday, there is "nothing" to eat so I "have to eat this" it goes on and on and on. We have given ourselves so many excuses, reasons, why I can eat what I want. It is as if, I'm in denial about what I'm doing to myself. Even though I am starting to see the truth, I still find myself falling into that twisted thought process and making the bad choices. Though weight loss is a physical battle the mental is a battle that I am now waging war upon.

So my first battle, facing the gym. I've started to go and I'm slowly warming up to it.....mainly because when I go it's in the afternoon and there is barely anybody there. So I feel a little better cause there are fewer eyes that are potentially on me. Plus I don't have to wait for machines. Next step...classes. I need to start attending, cause its a great way to make 45 minutes of cardio to go by fast....and possibly make friends at the gym. Then maybe get a gym buddy. The gym needs to be a part of my everyday routine. So when I miss a day, I feel it immediately and will force myself to keep going.

My second battle FOOD!!! When I go grocery shopping I do very well, buy the right stuff, and stay on track. Then I go to work, I don't pack a lunch and then I fall. Reason in my head that since I don't have any food to eat, I have to eat something. I need to be more prepared. Not to mention if I'm out and bout before I go to work and don't have the "time" to pack my lunch I'm not making good choices on where to go to grab a healthy lunch before work. Also I need to have good food to eat late at night when I get home from work. So I don't binge on chips and salsa or late night pizza. Not to mention when I showed my trainer my food journal....she wasn't too please. I guess I'm not doing as good as I thought I was.

On the upside. My trainer did the typical weigh you, pinch you, and find out how much work they have in store for them. I know...how is this up? Well first of all when she weighed me I had lost two pounds. That is upside numero uno!!! Also when she pinched me my body fat is at like a 32% (I don't know for sure, I was looking over her shoulder) which is a plus for me. You see the last time I had my body fat measured I was at 47% which means my hard work is paying off. I still have a long ways to go, but progress is being made.

LASTLY!!! Biggest Loser is back on, a good source of inspiration to keep me going.


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Week 14 Day 3

Confession: I got a venti quad carmel macchiato

It's a starbucks cup of deliciousness that is full of sugar, fat and other bad things. It was a weakness, but I was able to curb my soda cravings. I even packed my own "dinner" for work as well. So overall last night it was a success. So I've been weighing myself everyday and yesterday I was at 220lbs and today I'm at 217lbs!!! Obviously the working out, and eating right, packing snacks etc..are working. I need to be more consistent with packing lunches and eating healthy. Part of what has been pushing me is my trainer giving me homework. Being accountable to her has definitely given me a good push, and new motivation.


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Week 14 Day 2

Confession: I have lost focus....if you couldn't tell.

I'm back and hopefully back for a while. Yes, I have fallen off the wagon. The grazing is back, soda is slowly creeping back into my life, and the workouts have all but cease to exist. I was in a downward spiral, I was happy with shedding a few pounds, clothes went back to fitting better, no need to keep up with the work outs right? WRONG!!!! I have been slowly gaining back 5lbs. If I keep this way I'll be back where I started and that will be no bueno.....ESPECIALLY if I want to be 50lbs lighter by my birthday.

Soooooooooo.........I did it!!! I joined a gym!!! I finally did it. So fingers cross, I go and I make progress. The perk to joining is that I get 4 free sessions with a training. The upside to that is that her goal is to get me going, get a routine in place and get me comfortable at the gym on my own. I want to be able to go, not be intimated by the machines and feel comfortable in my own skin. I had my first session today and I really liked my trainer. She gave me homework (workouts, and a food journal). I'm not going to lie the food journal will be a stretch, but I will try.

I also promise to start posting more often, keep everyone up to date.


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Week 13 Day 2

Confession: The eating out has gotten a little out of control.

So I see my husband about two days a week. This is due to our crazy opposite schedules! so our time together is precious! So when we are together, I just don't want to cook or do anything, just be with my husband. Therefore, we eat out. Its how we kinda built our relationship, we ate out a lot when we started dating. Thus, me gaining weight, and starting the blog. Not to mention I haven't worked out in over a week.

Here's the deal, I have been working through some serious emotions. Digging through emotions, memories, facing fears, pain, and reality!!! I'm growing up all over again. I still have some things to deal with, and people to face, but I will prevail.

Since I have dug through so much and faced so much I'm re-motivated to move forward!!!

I worked out yesterday and got my butt kicked!!! Then I decided to run today!!! I am so sore its insane! Hopefully I'll be able to get out bed tomorrow.


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Week 12 Day 3

Confession: Emotions are a blaze

I know it's been a while. I've been processing emotions and going through more of a mental battle than physical, which in turn has affected me physically. I haven't worked out in a week, I've been eating our more than normal, and I have not been watching my calorie intake. I actually lost about half a pound so I'm back down to 215, no explanation just confusing me more. Needless to say I feel like I'm all over the place and have lost control. What I'm realizing is that I have to face the truth, face the source of my emotional eating. Make changes in my life. Learn to say "NO"... No, to bad food, No, to being lazy, No, to the negative emotional triggers in my life. I'm going to have to break bad habits, some food related, some work out related, some emotionally related. Its going to be tough, very tough, I'm not going to lie, I've found some Eminem lyrics that fit what I am facing...


Yeah, It's been a ride...
I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

(Verse 1)

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em
But you won't take this thing out these words before I say 'em
Cause ain't no way I'm let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say 'em or do something I do it, I don't give a damn
What you think, I'm doing this for me, ....
I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
No if ands or buts don't try to ask....


I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road.

I can't be afraid to say "NO" I can't be afraid to break bad habits, I need YOU to come take my hand, walk this road together.

As I was going through an old bible of mine, I found a verse that stood out to me.
Jeremiah 1:19
And they shall fight against thee;but they shall not prevail against thee; for I am with thee, saith the Lord to deliver thee.

So as I'm standing here saying to my emotional battle and bad habits I'm not afraid, the Lord is telling me that he is with me.

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else....but I know what I'm saying.