Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Week 11 Day 3

Confession: I've eaten out twice this week!!!

All I've wanted to do this week is not cook, not eat healthy, and do absolutely nothing!!!! So needless to say my 1 pound weight gain is not the end of the world. I did work out Sunday and Monday and basically got my butt kicked Monday. Therefore I felt it necessary to celebrate by eating out. Yeah that was a mistake. What I have realized, is that I am emotionally going through something. I am dumbfounded by my want to eat bad, do nothing, and let go. I have worked so hard and now I want to throw it all away. There is some sort of emotion that I am working through and sub-consciencely the emotional eating is in high gear. Sometime I wonder if counseling will do the trick, or if I can fight it myself. If sticking to the plan of eating right and working out will solve my problem. I have a lot to mull over in my head.


Monday, August 23, 2010

Week 11 Day 1

Confession: My addiction to Dr. Pepper is slow creeping its way back.

Ok, my responsibilities have changed, I have gone from managing to bar tending/serving. This is a series of blogs in and of itself that I will not get into for the moment. That being said, how my night goes at work has changed, I've gone from being able to walk around check on guest and servers and help maintain a steady pace of the restaurant to running around and being a crazy server. Managers are busy and they multitask quit a bit, but the multitasking is more mental and its a lot more of maintaining nerves and emotions and keeping everyone in check and consistently keeping the guest happy. I am able to to snack on my snack drink what I need to drink and be productive and not let the evils of grazing, and Dr. Pepper get the best of me. Now that I'm serving, I going a 100 miles a minutes and the multi tasking is more on a physical level. Running from table to table, making cheeses, dropping entree's and chocolate, pre-busing etc. I get drained so quickly and have even less time to eat something to re-energize. Dr. Pepper is a great quick fix, a small caffeine boost, something to keep me going until I can stop, BUT when I stop, I just want to drink a BIG OLE CUP of Dr. Pepper. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully kick my addiction to DP.

Today, is the day!!! We are going gym shopping!!! Hopefully this will be a good step forward, not a step backwards and loss of money!!!


Thursday, August 19, 2010

Week 10 Day 4

Confession: I ate out way toooo much this past week.

Well there was friday night that I talked about, then we did take out on saturday I believe, we might have gone out for custard on monday night and there might have been a consumption of an avocado turkey burger last night. So as you can tell, the eating healthy was kinda down the drain. I did track my calories and stayed for the most part within budget but I'm sure I went over or got close a few of those days. So I weighed myself in yesterday and had lost a pound. I'll take it, considering the eating wasn't that great and workouts were out the window. HOWEVER, I weighed myself today and gained a few pounds. Either the weekend finally caught up to me or its water weight....I'm kinda leaning towards the water weight. So I'm going to stick with the weight I weighed in at yesterday, and pray that I will be back on track come next Wednesday.

So the plan is to go gym shopping on Monday we finally decided to start spending the money on a gym. I'm a little apprehensive because I don't know if I'll be able to muster up the courage to go on my own. I hate going to the gym by myself. I feel like an idiot, and I feel like there are these unwritten rules about how to conduct yourself in the gym and I have no idea what they are. The first gym we are going to check out is Sky Fitness, I have a coupon for a free week, so maybe within that week I'll figure out if its the place for me. If anyone in the Tulsa area goes to that gym let me know, or if you have any good recommendations. A gym buddy would be nice, but I have to do this with or with out one.


Saturday, August 14, 2010

Week 9 Day 6

Confession: Emotional eating urges was in high gear last night.

Needless to say I had a rough night last night. It wasn't THAT BAD just little things here and there that hit all the right buttons. For some reason (I'm sure I know why, but for my male readers I won't go into detail) I could not keep myself calm. Everything irritated me, made me upset, made me want to cry, you get the idea. I was fighting emotions all night long, kept telling myself no need to be upset, its ok, nothing big. So I spent the majority of the night holding down emotions when all I wanted to do was buy a pint of Ben and Jerry's sit in a corner and just eat. Thankfully I was able to get off early AND my husband was off as well. So we decided to grab a late dinner and just kinda relax. We went out, I was able to pick something kinda healthy, and avoided getting an appetizer and pigging out on dessert, well we did share a piece of cheesecake. So I guess I was successful at not binging on food, but I still a lot late at night. That has been my down fall and for the past three nights I've down really good. Work, home, bed, NO FOOD. Hopefully last night is my one exception for the week.

On the plus side, I'm down a pant size. I'm waiting until I've lost a little bit more weight and then I'm going shopping, nothing to crazy just get some transition clothes until I get down to my goal weight.


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Week 9 Day 3

Confession: Graving is not under control.

Well, Tuesday night, I did ok, brought snacks avoided most foods. Tonight, I wasn't as prepared and the grazing went down the drain.

Ok so all day tuesday, even though I knew it was tuesday....In my mind it was "weigh in wednesday" So when I weighed in at 218, it wasn't my final weight for the week. I still had another DAY!!!! Ok ok I know you're wondering how I could possibly know it was tuesday and think it was wednesday. First of all I started off thinking it was Wednesday thus me weighing myself as I usually do every morning. Then thinking it was "weigh in wednesday" me sitting on the couch and blogging about my 1 pound weight gain. I go about my day, head to work and in pre-shift realize "OH IT'S TUESDAY!!" Go about my evening work and on the way home it hits me...."TOMORROW IS WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY" So instead of eating a late night dinner, maybe I could skip and have a more effective weigh in the next day......drum roll please........IT WORKED!!!! I'm down to 216!!! BOOOYA!!!!

I'm hoping my grazing tonight wasn't a step backwards but we shall see.


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Week 9 Day 2

Confession: My ice cream craving is out of control.

I don't know how much longer I can last before I give in. However, since I have my handy dandy new app that tracks my calories maybe I'll be able to squeeze it in guilt free!!!

So I gained a pound this week!! My success of last week got trampled by my grazing!!! You win some you lose some. I'm going to keep my head up though. I have a new tool to help me, and I'm feeling more determined than ever to shed this weight. I also concluded that I would not last long on the biggest loser. I'm losing small numbers every week and its either lose a little then gain then lose, then lose, then gain. Yeah, I would definitely be below the yellow line almost every week. However, they don't have the distractions of everyday life around them and all they do is work out for 8 hours a day. I on the other hand am trying to tackle this with the distractions of life, and not being able to work out on a daily basis. So I think I may have the upper hand compare to the biggest loser contestants, maybe just maybe as I lose this weight it'll stay off. So I don't look like the contestants a year later having gained back half the weight they lost in the 5 months they were on the ranch. Not to mention biggest loser has turned into "lets get the fattest people in america" and have them be our contestants. So I doubt I'll ever get on the show unless I gain at least another 80 pounds. Which is NOT going to happen.

So I have been watching one of my favorite shows Dexter. If you haven't seen it, do!!! It's got some great writing and a great thinker/thriller for a TV show. Well you'll have to be ok with some blood and violence, typical Showtime stuff. Anyways, Dexter has a sister Deb who process her stress through working out. When she is dealing with something traumatic she turns to running or working out. Which makes her rather skinny. I'm sure the actress is on some sort of strict diet and works out like everyone else. What gets to me is that when Deb is dealing with issues, problems, stress, life, etc...she turns to the treadmill. I kinda wish I was like that, when something goes to crap in my life I just jump on the treadmill. Start running, forget about life and run, run away from everything. I'm sure its not exactly best way to curb stress, but its a lot better than eating my way through a pint of Ben and Jerry to relieve stress. I am thinking about buying a treadmill, maybe that would be cheaper than a years worth of gym membership. Honestly, my husbands goal is that when we get a house, build a gym in the garage or somewhere. I'm starting to get on that bandwagon, it would be nice to be able to wake up and walk to the other side of the house to work out, or have it available to me when I'm stressed.

Ok stop dreaming, focus on the now, work-out, eat right, and keep moving!!!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Week 9 Day 1

Confession: The grazing for Friday and Saturday were a bit out of control.

Why? Might you ask?? I did not go to work prepared at all. I didn't bring snacks and that pretty much killed me. Also I'm not managing as much as I use to and doing more serving and bar tending....which mean I can't get to my snacks as easily as I use to and have to wait until the end of the night to eat. By that time I just go crazy and eat anything and everything in sight.

HOWEVER!!! I am getting back on track!!! I learned about this handy dandy app for my phone "Lose It." It pretty cool, I put in all of my information and it keeps track of my weight loss, counts calories, and makes goals for me. I'm still figuring it out, and the beginning is a little tough cause you have input everything, but once its in its saved and then it doesn't take as along to record your meals. Also, you can input your workouts and get credit for your calories. Its pretty handy.

I have not been keeping track of my calories, but I guess I should if I want to make my weight loss more consistent. We shall see how this works out.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Week 8 Day 4

Confession: I managed not to binge on food late last night!!!

A victory in my book. I did not binge on food like I usually do when i get off work. I did however eat my left over custard from about 2 days ago. It was maybe half a cup and just enough for me to sit down relax, unwind, and go to bed without a growling stomach. I'll probably should have eaten something more healthy or drank a glass of milk, but it worked and I'm happy. Not to mention I'm down to 217lbs!!!! OH YEAH!!! I'M A ROCKSTAR.

So I am thinking my goal for August; get under 200!! That would be amazing. Which will get me all the closer to my high school weight (180lbs) and maybe by the end of september I could get past that weight and be the skinniest I have ever been. Also I have a Dr. Apt in october to follow up on how I'm doing with this so I'm really hoping to WOW him and show him that I can do this.

However, I have to remember its one pound at a time. Sometimes those pounds just fall right off, and sometime they like to fall off and creep back on cause they miss you soooooo much. Not me, I'm going to fight them to the death!!! Make them fall off and never want to come back!


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Week 8 Day 2

Confession: I had Mario's Pizza for dinner sunday night.

It was a combination of no food in the house, too tired to cook, and no time. It was more "I don't want to cook" than anything else. It was the end of my work week and I had no energy or motivation to cook. It's nights like these I wish there was some sort of healthy restaurant that made healthy food and delivered to your door step. Some wonderful place that lists their menu online with the nutritional information right next to each item. Even gave a little bio like this meal is a good source of protein, this will give you lots of energy etc. Maybe I'll open this kind of place. I mean if McDonalds can make a billion dollars off of convience why can't I make a buck or two off of convience and nutrition. Ok so now all I need is a small loan, and David Zinczenko to make a menu. Anyone want to donate?

You know that phrase "people see what they want to see." It is probably one of the most true statements in the world we live in today. Think about it, the way we look at other people, ourselves, how we work, how we act, how we handle life. We see it the way we want to see it. I've realized that is very true in my life in how I look in the mirror. I saw what I wanted to see, ignored the growing fat rolls and I would never look at myself from a profile view. Also I avoided full length mirrors. I focused from the neck up. Now I'm finding myself really looking in the mirror and the truth hurts. My legs gained weight. My upper arms flab in the wind. My stomach sticks out more than I think. My love handles have stretch marks on them. My butt, holy cow is that thing huge!! And the cellulite oh man there more than I thought. According to my husband I have back flab and cottage cheese butt. OUCH!!! Now some of you think I'm being hard on myself, but I'm not. I'm facing the truth. My body is out of shape. Things are sagging and there is more fat definition than muscle. I have a lot of work ahead of me. Facing the truth is hard but its the biggest motivator to help me eat right and work out. I need to embrace mirrors and not shy away from them. Face the truth and change my future.