Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A New Year is Approaching.

Confession: The attempt to not indulge during the holidays has failed miserably.

So I had set this goal to lose 23 pounds by January 3rd....that is looking like it's not going to happen. Getting through the holidays and either maintaining weight or losing weight is ten times harder than I thought. Not to mention my original goal to be 50 pounds lighter by my birthday which is in 3 weeks is not going to happen!! BUT!!!! I am not going to quite or give up. Instead I'll look at the new year as a second chance and attempt to do this all over again. So this week I'll will be in the gym and working on a new plan and setting new goals for the new year.

One thing I do know for sure is that I'm going to blog more often. It was the one thing that kept me on track. When I went to eat something I always had the thought of "I have my readers to report to". So dear readers I have a request to ask of you. If you do follow me and feel like I have not blogged in a while please keep me accountable. Leave a comment let me know you miss my blogs, that you want to know how I'm doing. Help keep me on track.

To my friends...I'm sorry so say but one thing I do know for sure is that I'm going to have to cut my hanging out with you down by half or more. I'm going to have to stop eating out after work, and going to parties, and anything that involves eating crappy food, staying up until the the wee hours of the night and all other things that will keep me from losing weight. However, I will hang out with you if it involves some sort of healthy activity, walking, running, playing ultimate frisbee, or other outdoor sports that are active and fun.

So I promise you by New Years Day I will have a goal and a plan put together. To those of you out there going through the same struggles I am going through I challenge you to take advantage of the new year and start a new goal. Let me know so we can keep each other accountable and make it to our goals together.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Getting back on track

Confession: I have completely have fallen off the wagon.

Ever since the tragedy in my life things have not been the same. I thought I could just pull through. I had a rough week after everything was said and done and figured I would just bounce back. Apparently not! I have been on a crazy emotional roller coaster of ups and downs, happy, sad, angry, etc. This has been way harder than I thought. Aside from fighting my own emotions and putting on the front that everything is ok, I had stopped working out and eating has gotten out of control. I think I spent an entire week playing on facebook, watching mindless television, and working (if necessary).

Finally, last week I dragged myself out of the apartment and ventured out to the gym. Squeezed in a short workout and actually felt a little better. Not enough to return for another week, but I did return this week...twice!! While I was at the gym I noticed something they are doing for the holiday season. Basically they had all the gym members wanting to participate come in on Nov. 23 donate $5 to the angel tree and weigh in a starting weight. Then, have everyone come back on Jan. 3rd and weigh in again. They are going to give out prizes to people who maintain or lose weight. Obviously, the prizes will be better for more percentage of weight loss. So I did it. I weighed in!!! ACK!!!! It was the first time I weighed myself since the pregnancy. I was so scared. Not because someone else was going to know my weight, but because I was afraid of the weight I had gained. It wasn't as bad as I thought, so that makes me feel a little better. So whats my goal? Between, now and Jan 3 how much should I lose? I'm thinking get myself under 200. Approximately 23 pounds.

So today is Thanksgiving. I should be carefully and plan out some healthy meal....My game plan....don't eat till I hurt and don't get seconds. Just one serving and a small dessert.
My game plan for the rest of the holidays.....Don't over eat.

This is what I have planned so far to make it through the holidays:
Step One: Make it to the gym 3 times a week.
Step Two: cut out fast food
Step Three: don't eat late at night
Step Four: Find the motivation and drive to want to eat and cook healthy.

Ok I will try to keep you posted. Let's see if I can make my goal!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

A Much Needed Update!!!!!!!

Hello My Friends!!!

I know how it's been FOREVER!!!! There is so much to update and hopefully this will explain why I have not blogged in sooooooo long!!!!

On September 27th my husband and I found out that we were pregnant. Of course this was a surprise to us. Needless to say our heads began to spin. Should we move? Do we buy a car? How can we afford this? Names? What to do next? Though we were surprised and shocked we were also very excited. This threw a wrench in everything!

First of all: My weight loss journey. I was not down to the weight I would have liked to been. Plus it put everything on hold. Since not only I CANNOT lose weight while pregnant I was going to GAIN weight. This bothered me because part of the reason why I wanted to lose weight aside from health and good looks. I want to be smaller so that my weight didn't affect my pregnancy. (I know I'm not super overweight, but there has been a trend in my family to have difficult pregnancy first time around and I wanted to be as healthy as possible for that day, thinking it would be in 3-5 years not RIGHT NOW!!) So I decided to continue to work out and attempt to eat as healthy as possible and try not to give into all of my cravings. I craved a few things but mainly just avoided a lot of foods that made me nauseous.

Second of all: My life drastically changed and keeping it a secret was hard to do. Everything at my work made me want to throw up. So keeping my cool and color was tough. On top of that I stopped going out. I know I could still go out and be sociable, but I was sooo tired that I just wanted to go straight home lay down and munch on saltines or pickles. I told a few people but the majority didn't know and I was searching for excuses for being so tired and never wanting to go out.

Third of all: I took on a second job for a week working at the fair. So I was surrounded by food temptation and was tired beyond all reason. Working the fair, then work. Right after the fait I signed on to intern for a film. So I get pregnant and immediately get super busy and just don't slow down to let my body adjust.

Finally all of our fiancees, living situation, everything would drastically change and we didn't know where to begin.

As you can tell my world was spinning and my life was moving at about 100mph. So finding time to blog was nowhere to be found.

On October 18th I went in for my 8 week doctor appointment. I was excited to see how the baby progressed and hear the heart beat. The doctor comes in does the ultra sound and nothing. He keeps looking makes a face and ends the ultra sound. He pointed out the sac with the egg sac inside and what looked like another egg sac. He figured I wasn't as far along as thought and to come back in week to see if the baby had progressed. He also wanted to take some blood track my hormonal growth and see how far they are growing incase it is twins. I was asked to come back on Wednesday to take my blood again. I received a call from my doctor Wednesday he looked at my lab and was concerned. My hormones were so high that there should have been a baby and a heartbeat in the ultrasound. He needed me to come back to take more blood and track the hormonal growth. I wasn't able to make it back on Wednesday so I went on thursday.

At that moment, my head was out of control. I didn't know what to think, what to feel, how to react. Thankfully, I was able to talk to my mom and she really encouraged me and prayed over me. I went in on Thursday to take my blood and waiting for the results was so hard. All day friday I jumped every time my phone rang and kept checking the clock. Finally, 1:45pm I got the call. My hormones had gone down. Which means the baby had stopped developing and it was an abnormal pregnancy.

My heart dropped. I couldn't breathe. All I could do was cry. I just cried in my husbands arms until I had no more tears. He was great, he held me, told me that it would be ok and that we would get through this. All week my husband and I prayed and kept saying "God this is in you're hands" so when we heard the news we just prayed "God we put this in your hands and now we need you" My husband asked me what I wanted to do that night and all I wanted was family. So we called the family and all of them were able to get together. We had dinner and just were with each other. Seeing my nieces and nephews was more helpful than I thought. Just playing with them and being able to hold baby Maddie brought so much warmth to my heart. It was so good to have family around to know that we are loved and have a support.

Yesterday I had a final ultra sound for closure and a chance to decide what to do next. Unfortunately this has not taken care of itself naturally. We decided to wait just a little bit longer and if nothing happens to go ahead and move forward with a medication that will move things along. This was a tough decision, but I feel at peace the most with this decision. Once everything has passed on, and I can move forward I will restart my weight loss journey. So please keep us in your prayers. I will keep everyone updated.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Week 16 Day 2

Confession: I was actually somewhat successful at eating healthy yesterday.

I got up, had a decent breakfast, worked out, stayed on track with lunch, then went out to dinner with the family and still was able to order a rather healthy meal. I like to think I've been doing this all along but I have definitely derailed over the past 3 or 4 weeks.
However, I am getting back on track and that is what matters. I even managed to think through what I will need to pack for lunches while I'm at work, so my grocery store trip was more successful than usual. So goal is to stay on track make it to the gym 3-4 more times this week.

I've realized I've been in a rut for the past few weeks and I need to make changes. This is more difficult than getting started. I always start off really good, but get tired and lazy and lose focus. My trainer says its all in the mind and I just have to change my mind set....I'm changing 26 years of bad habits and laziness. There is a lot of work to be done. Not to mention my job greatly effects my efforts. Being surrounded by food all the time, and around young college kids who's metabolism is still in high gear and can get away with eating late at night, or eating crap food. One of the things I struggle with is post work. Everyone, especially on the weekends wants to go out to unwind from work. I usually am one of them because I get so amped from running around, dealing with so many people, working at a fast pace, etc...going out just seems natural. On top of that my husband works graveyard, so I work when he does, even though I get off late at night, he is either on his way to work or already at work. So I come home to an empty house, no husband to talk to, unwind with, or just be with. Its me and the dog, and the TV and the want to eat. Going out with friends has turned into a coping-mechanism to deal with not seeing my husband when I get off work. Which in turn has turned into late night eating of bad food.

This journey has forced me to face my emotional eating, and the sources from which it stems. It has been rough and there is still a lot to dig through. I feel many changes in my life will happen because of this journey.


Sunday, September 26, 2010

Week 15 Day 6

Confession: Last week I was on vacation and I ate horribly.

Last week my In-Laws were staying at Grand Lake, so my husband and I drove out to stay with them. It was a very relaxing week, we slept in, hung out, played lots of cards, and ate. Some of the food was good food. However, there were snacky foods that weren't so great, candy, chips, etc. We also ate out as well, so overall not a good food week. I did manage to work out a little while on vacation, but not enough to make up for the poor food choices I was making. We are back now, I will get back on track.

What bothers me is as I go through this process I've realized that my thought process towards food is very twisted. First it was addressing my emotionally eating, that I reason in my head I can eat what I want when I'm emotional. Then facing the idea that people reward us with bad food. Now it's "oh I'm on vacation" I can let down because I'm on vacation. The list grows from there, its the holidays, its my birthday, there is "nothing" to eat so I "have to eat this" it goes on and on and on. We have given ourselves so many excuses, reasons, why I can eat what I want. It is as if, I'm in denial about what I'm doing to myself. Even though I am starting to see the truth, I still find myself falling into that twisted thought process and making the bad choices. Though weight loss is a physical battle the mental is a battle that I am now waging war upon.

So my first battle, facing the gym. I've started to go and I'm slowly warming up to it.....mainly because when I go it's in the afternoon and there is barely anybody there. So I feel a little better cause there are fewer eyes that are potentially on me. Plus I don't have to wait for machines. Next step...classes. I need to start attending, cause its a great way to make 45 minutes of cardio to go by fast....and possibly make friends at the gym. Then maybe get a gym buddy. The gym needs to be a part of my everyday routine. So when I miss a day, I feel it immediately and will force myself to keep going.

My second battle FOOD!!! When I go grocery shopping I do very well, buy the right stuff, and stay on track. Then I go to work, I don't pack a lunch and then I fall. Reason in my head that since I don't have any food to eat, I have to eat something. I need to be more prepared. Not to mention if I'm out and bout before I go to work and don't have the "time" to pack my lunch I'm not making good choices on where to go to grab a healthy lunch before work. Also I need to have good food to eat late at night when I get home from work. So I don't binge on chips and salsa or late night pizza. Not to mention when I showed my trainer my food journal....she wasn't too please. I guess I'm not doing as good as I thought I was.

On the upside. My trainer did the typical weigh you, pinch you, and find out how much work they have in store for them. I know...how is this up? Well first of all when she weighed me I had lost two pounds. That is upside numero uno!!! Also when she pinched me my body fat is at like a 32% (I don't know for sure, I was looking over her shoulder) which is a plus for me. You see the last time I had my body fat measured I was at 47% which means my hard work is paying off. I still have a long ways to go, but progress is being made.

LASTLY!!! Biggest Loser is back on, a good source of inspiration to keep me going.


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Week 14 Day 3

Confession: I got a venti quad carmel macchiato

It's a starbucks cup of deliciousness that is full of sugar, fat and other bad things. It was a weakness, but I was able to curb my soda cravings. I even packed my own "dinner" for work as well. So overall last night it was a success. So I've been weighing myself everyday and yesterday I was at 220lbs and today I'm at 217lbs!!! Obviously the working out, and eating right, packing snacks etc..are working. I need to be more consistent with packing lunches and eating healthy. Part of what has been pushing me is my trainer giving me homework. Being accountable to her has definitely given me a good push, and new motivation.


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Week 14 Day 2

Confession: I have lost focus....if you couldn't tell.

I'm back and hopefully back for a while. Yes, I have fallen off the wagon. The grazing is back, soda is slowly creeping back into my life, and the workouts have all but cease to exist. I was in a downward spiral, I was happy with shedding a few pounds, clothes went back to fitting better, no need to keep up with the work outs right? WRONG!!!! I have been slowly gaining back 5lbs. If I keep this way I'll be back where I started and that will be no bueno.....ESPECIALLY if I want to be 50lbs lighter by my birthday.

Soooooooooo.........I did it!!! I joined a gym!!! I finally did it. So fingers cross, I go and I make progress. The perk to joining is that I get 4 free sessions with a training. The upside to that is that her goal is to get me going, get a routine in place and get me comfortable at the gym on my own. I want to be able to go, not be intimated by the machines and feel comfortable in my own skin. I had my first session today and I really liked my trainer. She gave me homework (workouts, and a food journal). I'm not going to lie the food journal will be a stretch, but I will try.

I also promise to start posting more often, keep everyone up to date.


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Week 13 Day 2

Confession: The eating out has gotten a little out of control.

So I see my husband about two days a week. This is due to our crazy opposite schedules! so our time together is precious! So when we are together, I just don't want to cook or do anything, just be with my husband. Therefore, we eat out. Its how we kinda built our relationship, we ate out a lot when we started dating. Thus, me gaining weight, and starting the blog. Not to mention I haven't worked out in over a week.

Here's the deal, I have been working through some serious emotions. Digging through emotions, memories, facing fears, pain, and reality!!! I'm growing up all over again. I still have some things to deal with, and people to face, but I will prevail.

Since I have dug through so much and faced so much I'm re-motivated to move forward!!!

I worked out yesterday and got my butt kicked!!! Then I decided to run today!!! I am so sore its insane! Hopefully I'll be able to get out bed tomorrow.


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Week 12 Day 3

Confession: Emotions are a blaze

I know it's been a while. I've been processing emotions and going through more of a mental battle than physical, which in turn has affected me physically. I haven't worked out in a week, I've been eating our more than normal, and I have not been watching my calorie intake. I actually lost about half a pound so I'm back down to 215, no explanation just confusing me more. Needless to say I feel like I'm all over the place and have lost control. What I'm realizing is that I have to face the truth, face the source of my emotional eating. Make changes in my life. Learn to say "NO"... No, to bad food, No, to being lazy, No, to the negative emotional triggers in my life. I'm going to have to break bad habits, some food related, some work out related, some emotionally related. Its going to be tough, very tough, I'm not going to lie, I've found some Eminem lyrics that fit what I am facing...


Yeah, It's been a ride...
I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

(Verse 1)

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em
But you won't take this thing out these words before I say 'em
Cause ain't no way I'm let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say 'em or do something I do it, I don't give a damn
What you think, I'm doing this for me, ....
I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
No if ands or buts don't try to ask....


I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road.

I can't be afraid to say "NO" I can't be afraid to break bad habits, I need YOU to come take my hand, walk this road together.

As I was going through an old bible of mine, I found a verse that stood out to me.
Jeremiah 1:19
And they shall fight against thee;but they shall not prevail against thee; for I am with thee, saith the Lord to deliver thee.

So as I'm standing here saying to my emotional battle and bad habits I'm not afraid, the Lord is telling me that he is with me.

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else....but I know what I'm saying.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Week 11 Day 3

Confession: I've eaten out twice this week!!!

All I've wanted to do this week is not cook, not eat healthy, and do absolutely nothing!!!! So needless to say my 1 pound weight gain is not the end of the world. I did work out Sunday and Monday and basically got my butt kicked Monday. Therefore I felt it necessary to celebrate by eating out. Yeah that was a mistake. What I have realized, is that I am emotionally going through something. I am dumbfounded by my want to eat bad, do nothing, and let go. I have worked so hard and now I want to throw it all away. There is some sort of emotion that I am working through and sub-consciencely the emotional eating is in high gear. Sometime I wonder if counseling will do the trick, or if I can fight it myself. If sticking to the plan of eating right and working out will solve my problem. I have a lot to mull over in my head.


Monday, August 23, 2010

Week 11 Day 1

Confession: My addiction to Dr. Pepper is slow creeping its way back.

Ok, my responsibilities have changed, I have gone from managing to bar tending/serving. This is a series of blogs in and of itself that I will not get into for the moment. That being said, how my night goes at work has changed, I've gone from being able to walk around check on guest and servers and help maintain a steady pace of the restaurant to running around and being a crazy server. Managers are busy and they multitask quit a bit, but the multitasking is more mental and its a lot more of maintaining nerves and emotions and keeping everyone in check and consistently keeping the guest happy. I am able to to snack on my snack drink what I need to drink and be productive and not let the evils of grazing, and Dr. Pepper get the best of me. Now that I'm serving, I going a 100 miles a minutes and the multi tasking is more on a physical level. Running from table to table, making cheeses, dropping entree's and chocolate, pre-busing etc. I get drained so quickly and have even less time to eat something to re-energize. Dr. Pepper is a great quick fix, a small caffeine boost, something to keep me going until I can stop, BUT when I stop, I just want to drink a BIG OLE CUP of Dr. Pepper. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully kick my addiction to DP.

Today, is the day!!! We are going gym shopping!!! Hopefully this will be a good step forward, not a step backwards and loss of money!!!


Thursday, August 19, 2010

Week 10 Day 4

Confession: I ate out way toooo much this past week.

Well there was friday night that I talked about, then we did take out on saturday I believe, we might have gone out for custard on monday night and there might have been a consumption of an avocado turkey burger last night. So as you can tell, the eating healthy was kinda down the drain. I did track my calories and stayed for the most part within budget but I'm sure I went over or got close a few of those days. So I weighed myself in yesterday and had lost a pound. I'll take it, considering the eating wasn't that great and workouts were out the window. HOWEVER, I weighed myself today and gained a few pounds. Either the weekend finally caught up to me or its water weight....I'm kinda leaning towards the water weight. So I'm going to stick with the weight I weighed in at yesterday, and pray that I will be back on track come next Wednesday.

So the plan is to go gym shopping on Monday we finally decided to start spending the money on a gym. I'm a little apprehensive because I don't know if I'll be able to muster up the courage to go on my own. I hate going to the gym by myself. I feel like an idiot, and I feel like there are these unwritten rules about how to conduct yourself in the gym and I have no idea what they are. The first gym we are going to check out is Sky Fitness, I have a coupon for a free week, so maybe within that week I'll figure out if its the place for me. If anyone in the Tulsa area goes to that gym let me know, or if you have any good recommendations. A gym buddy would be nice, but I have to do this with or with out one.


Saturday, August 14, 2010

Week 9 Day 6

Confession: Emotional eating urges was in high gear last night.

Needless to say I had a rough night last night. It wasn't THAT BAD just little things here and there that hit all the right buttons. For some reason (I'm sure I know why, but for my male readers I won't go into detail) I could not keep myself calm. Everything irritated me, made me upset, made me want to cry, you get the idea. I was fighting emotions all night long, kept telling myself no need to be upset, its ok, nothing big. So I spent the majority of the night holding down emotions when all I wanted to do was buy a pint of Ben and Jerry's sit in a corner and just eat. Thankfully I was able to get off early AND my husband was off as well. So we decided to grab a late dinner and just kinda relax. We went out, I was able to pick something kinda healthy, and avoided getting an appetizer and pigging out on dessert, well we did share a piece of cheesecake. So I guess I was successful at not binging on food, but I still a lot late at night. That has been my down fall and for the past three nights I've down really good. Work, home, bed, NO FOOD. Hopefully last night is my one exception for the week.

On the plus side, I'm down a pant size. I'm waiting until I've lost a little bit more weight and then I'm going shopping, nothing to crazy just get some transition clothes until I get down to my goal weight.


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Week 9 Day 3

Confession: Graving is not under control.

Well, Tuesday night, I did ok, brought snacks avoided most foods. Tonight, I wasn't as prepared and the grazing went down the drain.

Ok so all day tuesday, even though I knew it was tuesday....In my mind it was "weigh in wednesday" So when I weighed in at 218, it wasn't my final weight for the week. I still had another DAY!!!! Ok ok I know you're wondering how I could possibly know it was tuesday and think it was wednesday. First of all I started off thinking it was Wednesday thus me weighing myself as I usually do every morning. Then thinking it was "weigh in wednesday" me sitting on the couch and blogging about my 1 pound weight gain. I go about my day, head to work and in pre-shift realize "OH IT'S TUESDAY!!" Go about my evening work and on the way home it hits me...."TOMORROW IS WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY" So instead of eating a late night dinner, maybe I could skip and have a more effective weigh in the next day......drum roll please........IT WORKED!!!! I'm down to 216!!! BOOOYA!!!!

I'm hoping my grazing tonight wasn't a step backwards but we shall see.


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Week 9 Day 2

Confession: My ice cream craving is out of control.

I don't know how much longer I can last before I give in. However, since I have my handy dandy new app that tracks my calories maybe I'll be able to squeeze it in guilt free!!!

So I gained a pound this week!! My success of last week got trampled by my grazing!!! You win some you lose some. I'm going to keep my head up though. I have a new tool to help me, and I'm feeling more determined than ever to shed this weight. I also concluded that I would not last long on the biggest loser. I'm losing small numbers every week and its either lose a little then gain then lose, then lose, then gain. Yeah, I would definitely be below the yellow line almost every week. However, they don't have the distractions of everyday life around them and all they do is work out for 8 hours a day. I on the other hand am trying to tackle this with the distractions of life, and not being able to work out on a daily basis. So I think I may have the upper hand compare to the biggest loser contestants, maybe just maybe as I lose this weight it'll stay off. So I don't look like the contestants a year later having gained back half the weight they lost in the 5 months they were on the ranch. Not to mention biggest loser has turned into "lets get the fattest people in america" and have them be our contestants. So I doubt I'll ever get on the show unless I gain at least another 80 pounds. Which is NOT going to happen.

So I have been watching one of my favorite shows Dexter. If you haven't seen it, do!!! It's got some great writing and a great thinker/thriller for a TV show. Well you'll have to be ok with some blood and violence, typical Showtime stuff. Anyways, Dexter has a sister Deb who process her stress through working out. When she is dealing with something traumatic she turns to running or working out. Which makes her rather skinny. I'm sure the actress is on some sort of strict diet and works out like everyone else. What gets to me is that when Deb is dealing with issues, problems, stress, life, etc...she turns to the treadmill. I kinda wish I was like that, when something goes to crap in my life I just jump on the treadmill. Start running, forget about life and run, run away from everything. I'm sure its not exactly best way to curb stress, but its a lot better than eating my way through a pint of Ben and Jerry to relieve stress. I am thinking about buying a treadmill, maybe that would be cheaper than a years worth of gym membership. Honestly, my husbands goal is that when we get a house, build a gym in the garage or somewhere. I'm starting to get on that bandwagon, it would be nice to be able to wake up and walk to the other side of the house to work out, or have it available to me when I'm stressed.

Ok stop dreaming, focus on the now, work-out, eat right, and keep moving!!!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Week 9 Day 1

Confession: The grazing for Friday and Saturday were a bit out of control.

Why? Might you ask?? I did not go to work prepared at all. I didn't bring snacks and that pretty much killed me. Also I'm not managing as much as I use to and doing more serving and bar tending....which mean I can't get to my snacks as easily as I use to and have to wait until the end of the night to eat. By that time I just go crazy and eat anything and everything in sight.

HOWEVER!!! I am getting back on track!!! I learned about this handy dandy app for my phone "Lose It." It pretty cool, I put in all of my information and it keeps track of my weight loss, counts calories, and makes goals for me. I'm still figuring it out, and the beginning is a little tough cause you have input everything, but once its in its saved and then it doesn't take as along to record your meals. Also, you can input your workouts and get credit for your calories. Its pretty handy.

I have not been keeping track of my calories, but I guess I should if I want to make my weight loss more consistent. We shall see how this works out.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Week 8 Day 4

Confession: I managed not to binge on food late last night!!!

A victory in my book. I did not binge on food like I usually do when i get off work. I did however eat my left over custard from about 2 days ago. It was maybe half a cup and just enough for me to sit down relax, unwind, and go to bed without a growling stomach. I'll probably should have eaten something more healthy or drank a glass of milk, but it worked and I'm happy. Not to mention I'm down to 217lbs!!!! OH YEAH!!! I'M A ROCKSTAR.

So I am thinking my goal for August; get under 200!! That would be amazing. Which will get me all the closer to my high school weight (180lbs) and maybe by the end of september I could get past that weight and be the skinniest I have ever been. Also I have a Dr. Apt in october to follow up on how I'm doing with this so I'm really hoping to WOW him and show him that I can do this.

However, I have to remember its one pound at a time. Sometimes those pounds just fall right off, and sometime they like to fall off and creep back on cause they miss you soooooo much. Not me, I'm going to fight them to the death!!! Make them fall off and never want to come back!


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Week 8 Day 2

Confession: I had Mario's Pizza for dinner sunday night.

It was a combination of no food in the house, too tired to cook, and no time. It was more "I don't want to cook" than anything else. It was the end of my work week and I had no energy or motivation to cook. It's nights like these I wish there was some sort of healthy restaurant that made healthy food and delivered to your door step. Some wonderful place that lists their menu online with the nutritional information right next to each item. Even gave a little bio like this meal is a good source of protein, this will give you lots of energy etc. Maybe I'll open this kind of place. I mean if McDonalds can make a billion dollars off of convience why can't I make a buck or two off of convience and nutrition. Ok so now all I need is a small loan, and David Zinczenko to make a menu. Anyone want to donate?

You know that phrase "people see what they want to see." It is probably one of the most true statements in the world we live in today. Think about it, the way we look at other people, ourselves, how we work, how we act, how we handle life. We see it the way we want to see it. I've realized that is very true in my life in how I look in the mirror. I saw what I wanted to see, ignored the growing fat rolls and I would never look at myself from a profile view. Also I avoided full length mirrors. I focused from the neck up. Now I'm finding myself really looking in the mirror and the truth hurts. My legs gained weight. My upper arms flab in the wind. My stomach sticks out more than I think. My love handles have stretch marks on them. My butt, holy cow is that thing huge!! And the cellulite oh man there more than I thought. According to my husband I have back flab and cottage cheese butt. OUCH!!! Now some of you think I'm being hard on myself, but I'm not. I'm facing the truth. My body is out of shape. Things are sagging and there is more fat definition than muscle. I have a lot of work ahead of me. Facing the truth is hard but its the biggest motivator to help me eat right and work out. I need to embrace mirrors and not shy away from them. Face the truth and change my future.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Week 7 Day 6

Confession: Cardio and heat are my enemy!!!

I need to do more cardio to speed up the weight loss journey. I'm eating good, working out, and making slow progress. I know I need to do more cardio, in fact I'm trying to train for my 5k. Here's the problem, first of all, I can't get to the gym on a daily basis. Second of all, the heat is just killing me. I can't stand hot weather, its one of my main motivators in leaving Oklahoma. Therefore, finding the motivation to get up, go outside, and run in the blazing heat is beyond my abilities. I try to psych my self up and think if i just get out there and start moving I'll be fine. Nope!! One step out the door and I'm running back inside to the air conditioning. Anything over 80 degree's is not my friend. So now I'm waiting to for the sun to go away and so I can start training outside.

So apparently there is a "Mud Run" in Tulsa on the August 21. Apparently its this 1.5-2mile course of mud and obstacle courses. Kinda sound fun. But you have to do it in teams of 2 or 5. So if anyone wants to get down and dirty let me know. I'm thinking about doing it.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Week 7 Day 3

Confession: I bought a pint of Haagen Dazs ice cream.

To which my husband discovered when we were unpacking the groceries. Don't worry he immediately pulled it out opened it up and dumped the contents down the drain. I was not happy. Partly because it was four dollars down the drain, partly because I felt like I deserved it, and partly because he was right. I did feel like I deserved it, cause I have been working so hard and doing so well I want some kind of reward. In all honesty though, I'm still snacking on things I shouldn't be and haven't quite given up all sugary drinks. So in reality I really don't need the ice cream, because my eating is not completely clean. If I had been good "totally" good for a week or two maybe I could have rewarded myself with ice cream. Also I don't think I'm in too good of a place emotionally to be able to reward myself with ice cream. And rewarding myself with ice cream really isn't a reward. So i guess.....Lesson learned.

I did have a victory today, I ran my 5k and shaved 1:20 minutes off. I'm really proud of myself!!! I really would like to get to a 10 minute mile and at the rate I'm going I should get there very quickly!!! I do need to run it more often, but as long as I'm doing some sort of training every week its some sort of step forward.

Progress is being made, how can I tell? People are telling me. I've had two different friends, people who I don't see on a regular basis comment that I look like I've lost weight. I'm not going to lie, its a big confidence boost to have people say something not knowing about my blog or anything.

Onward and Upward!!!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Week 6 Day 6

Confession: I have been craving take out chinese all day yesterday.

So I'm weighing myself on a daily basis and right now the scale says I've gained 3 more POUNDS!!!! UGH!!! I feel like I'm taking steps backwards. I'm hoping its just water weight and I'll be back to normal by tomorrow or Monday. I feel like I'm doing better with my work outs, but the eating is slacking. I can't seem to stay balanced between the two.

Yesterday, well Thursday night, I could not sleep to save my life. I would sleep for an hour and half wake up, be up for an hour or so does off and wake up again. This went on all night. Then my husband gets home from work around 7:30am. Makes so much noise!! and turns on about every light in the house. Needless to say I was awake again and not happy. He was in a really good mood and wanted to talk about his night at work. Then we got to talking about other things and then he's like "since you're up" come work out. Of course I don't want to work out, I've got barely any sleep in me and had a full day of work ahead of me. He basically gives me this speech on pushing thru and keep my goals in mind. So I drag myself out of bed and head to the gym. Getting started was rough, I wanted to puke!!! However, once I got into the groove of my work out and had Pandora radio going I was feeling better and able to push through my work out.

Side Note: Lady Gaga Radio on Pandora is the best. Mainly because its fast beat music that makes you want to dance and move around. Not to mention want to get thin so you can be one of those skinny girls making millions of dollars.

I have this circuit of weights I move thru in my work out. The first part is the bench. I started with just the bar 45lbs and have moved up to 85lbs. Pretty good right? Well all last week I was complaining cause I felt like I had hit my peek around 75-80lbs and wanted to stay there until I felt comfortable to move on. My husband on the other hand argued saying that "I'm stronger than I think and its all a matter of technique." Lets just say he proved he was right friday morning. I went to do the bench and he noticed I had lost some of my technique and we need to review some things. So he explained how to breathe where to place my feet/ hands, how I should lay on the bench etc. Then he went over the faster you go down, the faster you come up AND the slower you go down the slower you come up. Which is true cause I didn't believe I could do heavier weights but, it was because I was benching slow and being careful. However, when I benched faster I blew thru my 8 reps of 85lbs and probably could have done more. To which my husband had the biggest smile on his face and was like you did amazing. This is your best work out so far. Needless to say he was right and I was wrong, and apparently I'm a pretty strong gal. Looks like my weights will be going up next week. I'm excited but nervous at the same time.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Week 6 Day 4

Confession: Late night eating got the best of me last night.

You know what the worst part about my late night eating??? I just didn't care. I was so tired and hungry I just didn't care. I wanted food I didn't care what I ate, and needed something. Part of it was emotional cause I was not happy that I didn't make any money serving, part of it was due to poor planning, I didn't pack a lunch for work, and part of it was just pure laziness. I didn't have the thoughts of "don't eat that!" or "you'll regret this later" I just made the food sat down and ate. Didn't even flinch.

So I know next time if I pack food I'll do better, but I'm finding that even if I plan ahead and try to keep things healthy I still need to emotionally eat. How do I break the emotional eating?? What do I do when I'm "stressed," "angry," "hurt," etc and not eat. I can't ignore it, I can't just go to sleep, replacing it with healthy food doesn't help. Do I need counseling? Is this a therapy[y issue? This is more frustrating than eating right and working out. Knowing that I'm stuck in a cycle of emotions and eating and NOT knowing how to break the cycle.

So today I was planning on working out, but my husband is to tired to take me to the gym. Which is fine, but leaves me with figuring out how to work out on my own, with no gym. Problem 1: My husband works graveyard, so he sleeps during the day. We live in an apartment so doing exercise videos and such are hard to do cause more than likely it'll wake him up. Problem 2: The heat is killing me. I don't last long in it, and usually do less of a work cause I get over heated very quickly. Problem 3: I work late at night so getting up early is pretty much out of the question. So do I go running in the park in the evening? That doesn't seem safe? Risk waking up my husband? Or risk heat exhaustion? I'm pretty sure I'm just being a weenie and should probably suck it up and do some actively outside in the heat. Besides it'll make me sweat more and help lose more water weight. I just need to come up with the money and get a gym membership and have no excuse. Anybody in tulsa frequent a gym? Any suggestions and are you looking for a gym buddy?

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Week 6 Day 3

Confession: I had one too many weak moments in the past week.

Hello blog world!!!! Did you miss me?? I missed you.

Oh where to being. Let me start with the fact that I faced a lot of stress since wednesday. First of all, we took our car in to get a funny noise fixed, and was given a list of things that needed to be done and a very LARGE estimate. Needless to say stress started to grow discussing what was important, how much could we afford to get fixed now versus later etc.

Then thursday night at work stress was taken to a whole new level. Our computers had a malfunction and I spent the majority of the evening on the phone with my owner and technical support trying to fix what went wrong. Since I had no car I had to rely on friends to give me rides and squeeze in errands when I can. So late at night I'm at wal mart trying to get food for the weekend and stuff for my sisters shower. I was so burnt out I broke down and ate fast food. To which I immediately regretted, after not eating fast food for so long once I consumed it I felt horrible. I still felt horrible the next day when I got up.

I finally get my car back on Friday...WHAT A RELIEF!! And I just crashed that night once I got off work. I tried to be productive but found myself staring at the TV and not accomplishing much of anything.

Saturday was my sister's baby shower which went over great!! Of course it was a shower and full of sugary treats. I woke up late and skipped breakfast before heading to the shower. So what do I end up doing? Eating the food at the shower, delicious cookies and chocolate pudding dirt cake. So what happened when you've been off sugar for so long? Your blood sugar spikes and then I CRASHED!!! I got home and all I wanted to do was sleep. I ended up just sleeping for hours until I had to go to work. And recovering and getting myself awake to go to work was a challenge. Work ended up being stressful and full of miscommunication. Needless to say after work I went out with co-workers and broke my healthy eating once again.

Sunday comes around and I'm finally ready to get back on the wagon. Work was good, my husband was done with his work week, and I'm able to stick to healthy eating.

Monday we are back on track I make it to the gym, we eat good life's better.

Tuesday even better. I got on the tredmill and ran/walk a 5k again. Guess what???? I shaved two minutes off my time. I'm feeling good.

Today, it's Weigh In Wednesday!!! I gained 2lbs. Sadness!! But I did break my healthy eating twice. So if it's only 2lbs I can live with that. Just means I have to work harder this week. Work out more than 3 times this week and absolutely no bad eating!!!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Week 5 Day 3

Confession: I make a mean omelette

I LOST 5LBS!!!!!

Thats right kids I'm down to 219lbs!!! Yippie!!! Ok the hard work is starting to pay off and I'm starting to see the progress. Definitely a big boost in motivation. Due to things we had to do today I had to drag my lazy butt out of bed super early to get my work out in and get everything else accomplished! Needless to say it was rough getting out of bed, waking up, and getting in gear at the gym. I did it though, I made it through my work out, my husband had to push me a lot but I made it. And yes, I weighted myself before I went to the gym to keep my weight as accurate as possible.

I'm not going to lie....I can't wait until I get under 200. That'll be closer to where I was before I moved back to Oklahoma. If I get into the 180's that'll be my high school weight, and anything under 160 will be a miracle!!!!

What's sad is that my "skinny" jeans are only a size 10. To think that I could get under that to maybe an 8? or 6? Oh that would be wonderful.

Before I get too excited its back to the gym, better eating, and keep moving forward. Baby steps!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Week 5 Day 2

Confession: I have been craving ice cream all day today!!!

Today, I thought would be a light workout it ended up being a crazy workout. My husband put me on the treadmill and told me to attempt to run a "5k" 3.1 miles, while I recorded my time at every half mile and mile for future workouts.....lets just say I have a lot of training to do. I started out pretty good, ran for about half a mile walked, ran another half mile, walked almost ran another half mile, walked a lot more tried to run, tried to sprint and push myself barely finished the 3.1 miles in 47minutes. SEESH!!! I didn't think it would take me THAT long!! Yeah I have some work to do. So now I need to find a reasonable goal to work towards...like finish in under 30 minutes or run the whole thing without walking, something like that.

After the intense run, my husband had me do some boxing on the bag. I was so tired and weak I could barely punch it. I felt worthless, and and exhausted like I wasn't doing any good cause I didn't have any energy in me. I'm still exhausted, as I type. However, like a good husband he has been constantly reminding me of my goal and to not give up or give in to temptation.

For example, we went to chick fil-a today (its not a "diet" friendly choice but in comparison to other fast foods its actually not that bad) I really wanted to eat the chick fil-a sauce and ketchup with my meal. My loving husband informed me that both are filled with high fructose corn syrup, chemicals and useless calories and I need to stay away from. I avoided the sauce and pouted the whole time I ate my meal. He's right, it's bad for me and I'll regret it later. I just love sauce....on anything!!! I'm really thankful I have him, he's been great at pushing me, keeping me accountable, and encouraging me. I definitely lucked out with him.

So tomorrow is the big day, and by "big day" I mean my weekly weigh in. See if the juice diet and detox are making a difference. Also I think I'm going to do some measurements to see if there are any changes in that sense as well.

Since tomorrow is "weigh in day" (I think I going to start calling it "Weigh In Wednesday") I'm going to avoid the ice cream as much as it pains me, I'll be thankful later I did.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Week 5 Day 1

Confession: Late night eating got the best of me last night.

I've been doing this for 4 weeks? Wow time certainly does fly. I feel like I should be making more progress. I am....I know I am. My husband has even commented on how my tummy is getting smaller. But the weight is still there. I'm still in the 200's. I feel like I should have made more progress. I know, I know, baby steps.

Because of my juice diet and crazy weekend I hadn't worked out in a week!!! Yikes!!! I totally thought today I was going to die in the gym and feel like I was starting all over. To my surprised I did rather well. I could feel the progress in my work out, I'm ready to start upping the weights and adjusting the circuit to work more muscles. I do need to add more cardio that's whats going to really make the pounds fall off faster. Not to mention I should be training for my 5k.

I made an AWESOME dinner tonight. Honey mustard salmon with parmesan asparagus and sauteed spinach. DELISH!!! I'm really loving the recipes in "Cooks This, Not That."

Did I mention my doctor wants me to average a 2lbs weight loss a week?? I was hoping for 5lbs and lower it form there once I get the initial 30-40lbs. Guess not.

Ok back to the grind, eat right, work out!!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Week 4 Day 6

Confession: I'm never doing a juice diet ever again.

So juice diet was no bueno!!!! First of all I was on nothing but juice for 3 days....super tough. Not to mention by the last day I had some serious heartburn. Plus that constant hunger ache in my belly. Even though I lost about 3lbs, it was just as rough as working out for three days straight.

Yesterday I had my Dr. Appointment to talk to him about what I'm doing and get the facts from him about my health. Can I just say that I love my doctor!!! The appointment starts out with him telling me we have a friend in common, I was intrigued and asked who. He said the name slipped his head but he saw them talking about me on FB. Who knew? I know FB makes the world a smaller place, but it caught me off guard. Why wouldn't my doctor have a FB account? So I told him he can look me up and if we are friends he can follow my weight loss blog. To which led to me explaining my blog, and my weight loss plan. I also told him that my ultimate goal was to get my blog recognized by Oprah get a book deal and then maybe a movie.

He laughed and I told him he could choose whichever actor he wanted to play him in the movie.

He was like pick a guy?

Or you can play yourself!! I mean if you wanted Tim McGraw I'd be ok with that.

I was thinking more along the lines of Brad Pitt.

Even better!!

I mean I already get that everyday.

Oh I totally see the resemblance. I'll even it make a funny scene, where I'm always looking forward to visit my doctor, cause he looks like Brad Pitt.

OH that could work.

Needless to say I have a new appreciation for my doctor. We talked about the "Eat this Not that books" apparently he never heard of them. I mean it's totally changing my life and he should look into them just he can see how amazing they are. I told him about how this is more of a lifestyle change not a diet!! We agreed that you can't "diet" for life if I really want this to work and maintain my new weight it has to be a change for life. Which is why I'm going with these books cause they are geared towards eating better not dieting. I talked about the detox and he got a little concerned. Apparently the medical world has some very negative thoughts about detox and feel its more of a trend than an actual effective detox. He suggested that a detox is more of a eliminating bad foods, alcohol, and other bad things people consume. I told him how thats more along the lines what I'm doing eliminating the bad and taking a supplement to help move things out. I also reassured him that it was to kick start the weight loss, and not something I'll be doing on a regular basis. All in all he was very please with my plan and what I'm doing.

We also got on the subject about, how graphic I should be in my blog about me detox and how my poop is changing on a regular basis. As I was explaining the changes he just looked at me and said "I don't know why people wouldn't want to read about this, I'm already intrigued its just so amazing" Not only is my doctor funny, he's sarcastic too!!! It really makes me feel better having a doctor who I can talk with on a personable level. Someone I can trust with my health and not feel like every visit is just in and out here's a prescription kind of visit.

He decided to run test for the basics, blood sugar, cholesterol, thyroid etc. he also decided to check for celiac disease. Which may explain my stomach problems, which will be sad if it means giving up wheat products. I'm not going to lie....I love carbs especially bread!!!

Then comes the hard part!!! The lab test, actually it was just taking some blood so he can run the tests. Have I ever mentioned that I have a HUGE fear of needles?? Yeah its pretty intense, many moons ago I went with my friend to get her belly button pierced once, and I was the one freaking out and almost passing out. I've had to get a few IV's and needless to say they've ended with me hyperventilating and going into an intense shock. I haven't fainted like my sister, but I've come close. After the appointment I headed down to the lab and had to deal with the NEEDLE. The lab tech was very nice and I explained how I have a huge fear, my arm veins are tiny, and tend to collapse very easily. She basically told me she will get it on the first try and I had nothing to worry about and she did!!! I was very happy!!!

Now I wait for the results and resume my detox, except now I can eat food!!!!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Week 4 Day 4

Confession: I broke my juice diet.

Here's the deal, I got asked to work late last night. Mainly to help close and clean the restaurant because we are having a big visit today. I agreed and my store manager told me as an incentive I'll order pizza for everyone. GREAT! I'm on a juice diet and as a way to get me to come in you offer me fatting food. Even if I wasn't on my juice diet I wouldn't want the pizza cause I'm on my health kick (I'm not calling my new way of eating a "diet" cause I don't want to diet for life. I want to get the weight off and then live my life, spurge on food when I want to, cut back when needed and keep myself healthy. Change my health and eating for life, not temporarily....I feel like diet are temporary not a permanent fix.) So its late, I'm tired, I'm hungry and the pizza smelt like heaven, so I gave in. I immediately regretted it, my stomach turned, and I wish I had better will power. Epic Fail.

This got me thinking....there is something wrong with America....why do you think we are fat? Because people use food as an incentive, they offer free fatty food as a reward. If you think about it, it's more of a slap in the face. Here, I'm going to have you work extra hard, and give you this pizza, ice cream, chips, soda, deep fried goodness etc...so that you will have to work even harder to work off what I just rewarded you. Which is even harder cause you're already working so hard for me and now you'll have even less time to work off the crap I'm giving you. I'm not blaming my boss, I'm blaming generations from before us, media, large food corporations and all the people who convinced America into eating/serving the bad food as a reward to make a buck. What is sad is that I never thought about how getting pizza as a reward was so bad. That it's actually doing more damage than good, yet it's everywhere, schools, work places, teams, you name it, they are all offering crap food as a reward for my good work. IT'S NOT A REWARD!!!!

This brought me back to a conversation I had a while ago, when I was having lunch with an old friend. He was filling me in on life and how things have changed etc. One of the things he mentioned is that his company is a huge advocate of healthy living, so much in fact they give raises to people who improve their health. He went in after like 6 month or a year of working for them, they basically gave him a physical and his health had improved, so they gave him a raise. Wouldn't that be amazing that you could earn money for being healthy? That you're job is willing to support you to live a healthier longer life. I wish this was a standard in every workplace not just a few.

Ok I'm getting off my soapbox.

The detox is back on track and going well. It's weird, I can feel the supplements moving things around, freeing up waste in my body. I guess thats a good sign. Haven't had any exciting moments on the toilet, but I'm sure there will be some soon.

Oh and I lost 3lbs yesterday, maybe I should go on a juice diet more often.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Week 4 Day 3

Confession: I lost 4 lbs....I really want to average 5 lbs a week, but that might be a stretch and I'll need to lower it to 3 lbs a week.

I started my detox today!!!

OK so far so good. Not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be....then again I'm only on the first day and I don't think the detox has completely kicked in yet. I'm sure tomorrow will be another story. Never fear I have stocked my bathroom with lots and lots of matches. Also I plan on keeping matches on hand incase things get ugly when I'm not home. Since I have started my detox today that means 3 day juice diet. That is what concerns me more than anything. I think I can last one maybe two days....but three. Oh that's going to be painful and I'll probably be on the grumpy side as well.

So I'm reading the instructions and it says if caffeine keeps you awake do not take right before bed because it has natural caffeine in it. So I'm like no problem, I use to drink caffeine quit a bit, and now that i'm eating healthier my caffeine intake has gone down but I'm sure I'll be fine. Well, next thing I know I have this urge to clean the house. I start cleaning, and cleaning, and scrubbing, and organizing and moving things around and I kept going and going. It was pretty intense!! I'm not going to lie I'm still a little on the jitter side just can't sit still. Not shaky and going crazy I just have this itch to do something....all the time. I guess that is a good side effect not only will I have a clean house, I'm sure I'll be able to keep myself busy.

So I guess when you detox you're body you'll have this natural urge to clean/detox you're surroundings.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Week 4 Day 1-2

Confession: Holiday eating kinda got the best of me.

I did really good at first. Friday success! Saturday success!! Sunday survived!!! Monday success minus the cookies!!! Tuesday epic fail!!!!!!!!

I've been finding really great recipes. Cooking more than I use to, packing lunches, drinking lots of water, snacking appropriately, and really feeling I got a handle on this life style change. Even staying consistence with my workouts. I was bracing myself for the holiday weekend and all the food temptations it entailed and I actually did really good. That was because I was working the majority of the weekend and really wasn't attending bbq's, parties, etc. Monday I finally had a day off and my husband and I went out to OKC to see some friends. We had a great time, even planned out our meals and were very successful. Aside from my husbands request for chocolate cookies. My friend makes some pretty amazing cookies and it's a request every time we visit. I managed to keep my cookie consumption to a minimum, but not to avoiding them completely.

Tuesday, thats a whole different story. We left our friends house without having breakfast. Not their fault. We had a big day ahead of us and needed get on the road as soon as possible. We left and halfway back found ourselves super hungry and going to McDonald's and eating horrible food. We get home shower and change and head to our next appointment, then onto the next. By then my husband is tired stressed out and not wanting to eat at home...mainly because he'd have to wait for me to find a recipe go to the store and cook. So we opt to eat out, I convinced myself I would do good, order properly and be successful. I ordered thinking I did good with opting for a chicken sandwich and taking off the mayo, then I ate fries, then fried jalapenos, fried cheese and finished the meal with a mint brownie shake. EPIC FAIL!!

Not to mention my original goal was to start my detox today.

Tomorrow, I'm going to start the detox, which also means starting a 3 day juice diet....and lots of personal time with my toilet. Hopefully, I'll be back on track tomorrow.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Week 3 Day 4

Confession: My emotional eating was in high gear last night.

Ok so needless to say I walked into a crazy night at work. Totally wasn't expecting it since it was a wednesday night. Never the less it was crazy, and I had about a million things going on at once. When one fire was under control another one would pop up somewhere else. (I work at a restaurant and we call "problems" "fires" whether is customer, staff, or mechanical related...for those who were wondering) So my stress level as a high level for most of the night. Plus it just felt like my job was on the line. I don't think my job was on the line, but I felt like mistakes were being made left and right and I couldn't control it. All I wanted to do was find a pint of Ben and Jerry's and sit down and just pig out. I wanted comfort food so bad. I didn't indulge in what was around me and I managed to find time to sit down and eat what I had brought. Although I was eating good food I could feel myself stress eating. I could feel my emotions calming as I ate my food. When I was done I was wishing I had more. What did I do when I finally got off work? I went out for a drink with friends....a big ole glass of empty calories. I needed to do something to unwind. A small victory in the sense I did not stress eat on junk food, but the stress and emotional eating is still there.

That being said what do I do next? I feel like that is the theme of my life. Encountering problems, figuring out what is wrong, and trying to move forward. Will my stress eating ever go away? Will I ever be able to find something to combat my stress other than junk and empty calories? The $64 million dollar question. If only I could answer the question and make some money at the same time.

My work out yesterday was lots and lots of running. Various running drills, sprints, jogging, walking, suicides, all that good stuff. Well it brought me back to my days of soccer. I use to play soccer all the time. I played from about age 5-20. I loved it!!! Well, one of my friends told me she was putting together a team for indoor soccer in the fall. To which I really want to join! But I have to get back in shape before I am able to start playing again. Mainly, for me because I don't want to look like an out of shape fool on the field. Yesterday was a harsh reminder how out of shape I am. I hope by the time fall rolls around I will be ready to play. I really want to be a part of something to keep me active. Although I'm in the gym on a regular basis, and trying to run on my off days, theres nothing like being a part of a sport to keep me active. I can focus on the game, drills, whatever and though its a "work out" it goes by faster and I don't dread doing it the next day. So hopefully by the fall I'll be able to run a 5K and be a part of a team.

Oh and thank you to everyone!!! I love all of your comments. They are great tips, advise, encouragement, everything!! Keep them coming.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Week 3 Day 3

Confession: I gained 3lbs

I want to blame something out of my control like water weight, or broken scale. The reality is I gained 3lbs and it could be a number of reasons as to why it happened. So what I need to do is face the facts and move forward.

Ok so what to do next? Work out more? Eat less...or eat better? go on a bacon diet?

UGH!!! I was feeling so much better. Really feel like I've been making progress but the scale says otherwise.

OK OK I'm going to hold my head up and move forward.

Step one: Increase cardio workouts. Which I did do today and just about died. To which my shin splints are in high gear. I will move forward!!!

Step Two: Do the detox. I think it will help kick start a lot of things. First of all my weight loss and force me to be more strict with my diet.

Step Three: Stop the late night eating. I think this will be my biggest problem. Its a huge fight and one that I lose a lot. I will keep fighting.

Ok off the computer and getting more proactive. Better food, better workouts, better life!!!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Week 3 Day 2

Confession: I had pizza today.

I couldn't resist. It was brought all the way from Red's Pizza in Harvard, Illinois. Not to mention it is from family too. Ok, Ok, for those scratching their heads. I have a distant cousin....I don't know how related...I think he's my mom cousin, who started his own Tavern plus pizza diner. It is probably one of the best thin crust pizza's I have ever had. Its a family tradition that whenever we go to Illinois we get Red's pizza, and if a family member goes and the rest can't make it, they bring home some pizzas. It is tradition, you can't break tradition! Ok any trainer, nutritionist, diet expert, would tell you, YES! you can break tradition. Especially if its packed with greasy, fatty, cheese, goodness. However, I feel if you can keep your tradition to once a year or once every two or three years you'll be fine. Which is what this is. I haven't had Red's pizza in a looooooong time. As to eating pizza once a year that maybe another story, but you gotta start somewhere.

So aside from my butt kicking work out today, I got something to help me kick start my weight loss, a detox!!! I'm really excited about this. I've always wanted to do a detox. From my understanding this will be a good one, and for about a week no one will want to be near my home especially my toilet! I'm going to poop like nobody's business. I'm sure you are like "EWE" "GROSS" Stop writing about this disgusting topic. Hey kids, its a fact of life, you collect quite a bit of waste in your body and don't get rid of it as easily as you think, and I'm going to clean myself out!!!!

Ok there are a few reason why I'm doing this.

A. Kick start weight-loss. The guy at the store said that the average woman can hold anywhere from 9lbs to 27lbs of waste in their body. Needless to say that could really help.

B. Health: For the past year I've been having unexplained stomach pains. So bad they thought I had appendicitis four different times. But couldn't find anything wrong. The pain is off and on and I have no answers. Maybe this will make the pain go away or help pin point what is going on once I get this waste out of me.

C. Pooping like crazy for 30 days....who doesn't want to do that?

Here's the down side to this....I need to start the detox with a 3-day juice diet.....ohhhh that's going to hurt. I am not looking forward to that.

Oh and I'll be doing this with a little bit of a diet regime. I'll be eating lots and lots of greens to keep the toxins moving and drinking lots of water and lemon water.

I'm going to start it soon, I gotta coordinate my work schedule with my detox so I can start off on the right foot. I will keep you posted on how it goes.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Week 3 Day 1


Ok so I haven't lost much weight but I really think I'm gaining muscle and my body is starting to shape up. You know less flab and sag more tone and lift. This is how I know I'm making progress. You know how you pull a pair of pants out of the dryer and they immediately are a bit tight. Which was great when I was thin, I would throw my jeans in the dryer while I got ready, then magically fresh tight jeans to wear out! If you wear your pants long enough they stretch out to a nice comfortable fit. Needless to say my pants start tight and tend to stay on the tight side and very rarely stretch out. Well the other night I put on a pair of pants fresh from the dryer and they felt lose, like they do when they are stretched out. Another pair of pants I was wearing just got looser and looser as I wore them, looser than normal. I'm definitely making progress.

Ok so last week after one of my work outs I felt completely stripped of all emotions. I basically pulled myself out of bed and was fighting to finish my workout. I was so tired, and felt so defeated I had nothing left in me. I started to talk to my husband after the workout and I just wanted to cry. As I drove home with tears streaming down my face I had so many thoughts and emotions going through my brain I just didn't know where to begin. All I could do was think of every Biggest Loser episode where Bob and Jillian work a person until they have nothing left just raw emotions. Then they are able to get to the core of their food addiction and rebuild them into a new person. My head started to spin, I wanted to eat cause I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to eat, I just felt like that was what to do next. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to give up. So what was my solution? I slept.


The more I pondered my emotional mess, I realized I'm an emotional eater. I eat to reward, I eat to comfort, I eat to curb anger, I eat to de-stress, and I eat when I'm bored. I kinda knew I was an emotional eater, but its worse than I thought. Now that I'm aware of my emotional eating I have never realized how much I think about food. ALL THE TIME. What taste good, what will make me feel good in that moment. How what food can solve my problem. What is fun to eat when I'm bored. How this food will make me feel better when I'm sad, stressed, angry etc.

Which is why I changed the name of my blog.

What have I discovered? The working out is paying off. I'm feeling better, and I find myself wanting to work out. If I'm having a bad day and I work out...I feel better. I need to relieve some stress, I work out.

Plus I've made it through the second week curse. I don't think it's a curse more of an extremely large bump in the road, a big fat mental obstacle that everyone face when they are making a change in their life. I don't think I'm quite through that part yet. I've made a lot of progress but still have a ways to go. I'm getting close to making my work outs a habit and I'm slowly making over my kitchen.

I asked my husband when I first started this journey if I get my body back and turn it into ONE HOT BOD!! I could have a coming out party. You know get all my friends together have a huge party and wear an amazing outfit that closer to a size 8 or 6. Well I decided to make my birthday my goal. Wouldn't it be great if I could start my 27th year of life with a new body?

So here's the long term goal!

By January 17th 2011

I will be 50lbs lighter and a size 8!!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Week 2 Day 6

Today is a better day!!

I was skimming thru various blogs today and found two other blogs that are talking about weight-loss. One is just a girls blog talking about various things in her life, part of which is weight loss. The other is like me and has completely committed her blog to her weight-loss journey.

It was a great pick me up knowing that there are other people out there blogging like me going through the same struggles as I am. The second girl has made some great progress and lost about 51lbs. I hope to lose that much maybe more. Right now I'm at my little 5lbs, but I know that number will get bigger and my weight will get smaller.

One of the things I have noticed when I was gaining weight I went from having "love handles" to a "spare tire." The "spare tire" started off more the bike tire sizes and has now grown into more of a motorcycle tire. What stinks most about it is that in the very front of my tire is this bubble. This blob of fat sticking out and won't move. I can't hide it under my clothes, it likes to stick out just over my pants and push my pants and belt down. If I try to pull my pants up over it, it is so uncomfortable it just doesn't last long. Then when I sit down it just likes to stick out and be the center of attention. What frustrates me most is that I think that its been growing for a while, and probably won't be the first thing to go as I lose weight. You know the whole idea that where you gain most recent is where you'll lose the weight first. That will be my boobs. Which saddens my heart cause, when I was thinner I never really had much boobs to begin with. I also never really minded smaller breast but now that I have bigger breasts I kinda like them, and would like to keep them.

I am hoping if I make it thru next week and keep at the pace I'm at I might just join a gym. Being able to get work outs in when my husband is free and on a somewhat regular schedule is getting rather difficult. Also I am finding myself wanting to go to the gym and get a work out in and get frustrated when I can't. So I'm thinking these are good signs. I join a gym, start working out more, maybe take some classes, get a gym buddy this could be really good!!!

My ultimate goal....get a personal trainer!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Week 2 Day 5

I feel completely beat up.....

Yesterday was a fight to work out

A fight to eat right and not graze

A fight to not binge late at night

A fight to get up and work out this morning

Everything has been a fight...a fight that wearing me down.

I need a win, a good day, something to go right in my life. Something to lift my spirits.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Week 2 Day 3-4


Ok heres the deal. Last week I weighed myself on the scale at the gym. Which isn't a reliable scale. It said 237lbs. Ok so I go shopping for a new scale and all the scales said something different but the most common weight was 233lbs. So I figured 4lbs was a fair weight loss assumption. Well we finally buy one I bring it home program it and it said my weight is 228lbs. Greg said to wait until the morning weigh myself then and consistently weigh myself at the same time everyday and hopefully I have an accurate idea of what I weigh. Well yesterday morning I weighed myself and the scale said 225lbs. So I'm thinking the scale at the gym is a bit on the heavy side, and I'll go with a 5 pound loss and continue on with the scale I bought. Hopefully, it'll stay consistent and I'll be able to track my weight loss properly.

I feel like I should be jumping for joy and celebrating but I just don't feel it. Here's the deal, I've been doing really good. Eating better, finding great recipes, working out more, quitting Dr. Pepper, reading labels and starting to read more. I had a really good day yesterday. Go up healthy breakfast, went on a great walk/run, made a great dinner, and found myself late last night roaming thru the kitchen wondering what to eat. I break down make myself a cheesy quesadilla with salsa and jalapenos. I felt awful after eating it. Like I just ruined my entire day. Oh and I had custard yesterday as well.

Heres the deal, food is a comfort for me. I eat when i'm upset, stressed, and I use it as a reward as well. If I do well at something I celebrate with food. So I did great yesterday, and felt like I deserved custard and that the quesadilla would be fine since I did so well. But in reality I just kept rewarding myself and basically moved backwards in my progress.

I feel like I've hit a wall.

I was suppose to work out today, but my husband doesn't have the time today, so i can't get the the gym. Then I got called into work early. So now I'm cutting my blog short, not getting a work out in and have to face work and all the temptations it brings.

Tomorrow needs to be a better day.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Week 2 Day 2

Confession: I had two cone cups of Dr. Pepper at work last night....but that was it....I SWEAR.

So today before I worked out I watched "Losing It With Jillian" to motivate me. Which was good, and kinda makes me want to buy Biggest Loser DVD sets to watch everyday right before I work out for motivation....although I think it might have a reverse effect on me. I watch one episode, start crying, get hooked....and now it's 8 hours later and I haven't moved. So I'll stick with Hulu and my DVR.

Moving on, I worked out today. My husband has me on this circuit that I'm getting used to and starting to get the hang of things. He's wanting me to get to the point that if I go to the gym I know how to use the machines and weights and can do a proper work out and not freak out. Don't ask me why but big corporate gyms scare me. I tend to get nervous and feel like all eyes are on me and I just don't want to work out. Also I don't know how to use all the machines or how to use them to the best of my ability so I just kinda quit. Oh and classes just freak me out. My self conscience kicks in high gear and I feel awkward, odd, and are not wanting to make a fool of myself. I know I know....Really? me? of all the people you know. I mean come on, I'm the center of attention, always doing crazy things, super loud kind of gal.....yeah not in the gym. If you want to see me get real quiet and shy just throw me in a huge gym with a hundred people I don't know.

OK OK enough about gyms. My husband put me thru this intense work out, like I was shaking afterwards. He pushed beyond all reason. Which is what I need. So after watching Losing It, working my butt off, and eating really good, little to no grazing, and being active all last week I was feeling pretty good. Well we head over to Academy to get a heart rate monitor and a scale. So we can keep track of my heart rate during work outs and have a more consistent way to track my weight loss. I decided to get some new work out shorts since I really don't have any. Couldn't figure out what size I needed, so I decided to try them on. WHAT A MISTAKE. Its work out shorts... shouldn't be too big of a deal right? UGH!!! The majority of them didn't fit, the bigger ones hung funny, the smaller sizes were too snug. Oh it was a nightmare!! and all I could see in the mirror was my belly! That flabby thing that just snuck up on me and I hate looking at it. Self-esteem down the drain. Not looking good.

Moving on to scales. Greg thought it would be a good idea to google scales while I just figured I'd try them all. What could it hurt more? I mean I'm already feeling fat, bloated, and gross. So I start taking scales off the rack and one by one tried them out. The good news is that my weight ranged from 233 to 128. So theoretically I lost 4lbs!!!!! YIPPIE!!! We finally chose one and brought it home. After much trial and error of programing it my weight came out to 228lbs. I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow morning and use that as my official starting weight and go from there. The scale I used at the gym wasn't that reliable and was never consistent when my husband used it. Hopefully this one will be better.

Oh and I found "Cook This Not that" I about squealed!!! Hopefully I'll find some good recipes and makeover my kitchen.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Week 2 Day 1 The Ugly Truth

So week one was a success in my book. I managed to work out 4 days, take good healthy snacks to work, and I'm Dr. Pepper free for one week. Plus my water intake has definitely gone up. Not to mentioned my grazing has gone down a lot as well. I did graze a little last night, but not nearly as much as I have in the past, plus I found myself stopping and saying NO! Think of the calories that would just be adding up. Also I did make an appointment with the doctor to get the facts about where my body is at and what I should focus on. It's not until July 9th, so hopefully I'll have made some progress by then so it'll be a positive trip.....hopefully.

My one down fall, reading! I was going to read the Abs Diet for Women but have not touched it. I did however pick up "Eat This Not That Supermarket Survival Guide." OK first of all if you have never heard of the "Eat This Not That" books go out and buy one right away. Its this amazing book that breaks down restaurants, supermarkets, and everything telling you what is good to eat and not to eat, and helpful tips on how to order or what to look for. I love it. Some of the comparison are a bit startling and scary realizing exactly how many calories you are consuming. Anyways, I usually just skim thru the books and find things that I like. Now I'm actually reading the book and taking the information seriously. For Example did you know that " We consume 450 calories a day from beverages, nearly twice as many 30 years ago, This increase amounts to an extra 23 pounds a year." Or that "the average piece of chicken has 266% more fat than it did in 1971, while its protein content has dropped by a third" Which means today's chicken is higher in fat that protein. Lastly, "the average salty snack portion has increased by 93 calories and soft drink portions have increased by 49 calories which means if you indulge in one bag of chips and one soda everyday you will add 14 pounds of fat to you in one year. Thats crazy!!!!!! So I'm going to finish reading this book, and then hopefully move on to Abs Diet for Women and get some sort of food/diet plan going. I figure a good start is just making better food choices.

Ok now for the hard part. To track my progress I have measured my entire body and even took a picture that is a harsh reality of what I'm dealing with. So here is The Ugly Truth

Neck: 15.75"
Upper Arm: 14.5"
Chest: 42.5"
Breast line: 43.5"
Waist: 41.5"
Hips and Butt: 49.5"
Upper Thigh: 29.75
Calf: 18"

There you have it kids.

I didn't make it to the gym today to weigh myself so I'll have my starting weight tomorrow. Hopefully it will have improved from my 237 I had last week.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Week 1 Day 5-7

Where to begin???

Ok lets start with Thursday, talk about busy day. I spent most of the day running around and had very little time to get anything or everything done.

I did go out get some good healthy snack food to take with me to work. And I did really good. I managed to not drink any soda, stuck to water and ate my snacks. Didn't do a bit of grazing. Until I got off work. You see the problem is that my snacks just didn't keep my full and by the end of the night I was still hungry. So what did I do when I got home? I made a frozen dinner. It was one of those Bertollie dinners, lots of pasta and creamy sauce. Absolutely terrible, and I might have topped things off with some garlic bread. Definitely a weak point in my journey.

Moving on to Friday, another day filled with errands combined with going into work early equals no time for a work out. This time I was working an event at the zoo. You see the event is basically a fundraiser, and they get restaurants from around the city to come out and bring a sample of their food. So its basically a buffet of really good food. I might have circled the area and got a few samplings. The only good things I did was not eat any of the desserts that were being offered. However, since it was so freaking hot out I didn't have much of an appetite even though i got a bunch a food I ended up not eating as much as I liked cause I was so hot. Which I guess was a good things, but not a step in the right direction.

Now its saturday, and I was determined to do some sort of a workout. Thankfully, the night before I talked my friend rachel into going walking with me. We use to walk about 2 times a week but that kinda fizzed out, but we're trying to bring it back. So we met up and walked in the HOT HOT sun. We managed to survive and got a good three miles in, although the heat just about killed me. Work was a success as well, i brought snacks, only drank water and managed to not graze at all. I did however go out with my friends after work and had a slice of pizza. That was because my snacks just didn't cut it and I was super hungry.

So here is my problem, I work during "dinner time" so eating before work will only last so long. I'm still hungry when I get off work, even with me bringing food to work it still doesn't help. So do I change my snacks? This is what I took, strawberries, blueberries, nut mixture of almonds, cashews, and pistachios, and some laughing cow cheese. Do I need to pack more of a meal when I pack my snacks? I'm not much into snack/protein bars but I'll give it a try if it'll keep me full longer.

It is definitely much more difficult to stick to any sort of diet, healthy eating, workout routine, while I'm working, The hardest part is that I'm working nights, so I get off late and sleep in late. Attempting to get up early after working so late is extraordinarily difficult. Which leave me little time to get up, get whatever I need to get done before I have to go back to work. Working the restaurant life is not an easy one.

We shall see how tonight goes.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Week 1 Day 4


I got some really great encouragement and tips and it really made me feel better. Knowing people out there are fighting the same fight and willing to encourage others.

Also I was somewhat successful at work. I manage to stay away from the soda machine and didn't graze one bit. However, I didn't go to work prepared with good healthy snacks and was UBER hungry by the time I got home. I might have made myself some late night nacho's. But its baby steps...I use to go to work drink soda like crazy, graze, and then go home and make a late night snack. So I was 2/3 successful. Right?

So yesterday when I was in the gym my right leg started to hurt beyond all reason...which come to find out I have shin splints. I think its just in my right leg. My left leg doesn't seem to be having the same pain. Which also means I need to lay off the running and strenuous activities for lower legs until the pain is gone

Here's the hard part, my husband is in the middle of his work week, and he works graveyard. Which essentially means, he leaves for work at night, comes home in the morning, sleeps a few hours, works his side job, gets a quick workout in goes back to bed then back to work. So I pretty much don't see him, and the gym we work out in is at his work so I can't get in unless he's there. Well during his work week I'm in the middle of mine going to into work around 4pm and getting home till 11pm or later. So he's too tired to work me out, and doesn't have the time to fit time in for me to get to the gym. So I'm on my own.

I have very few options, running/walking or yoga....I have a yoga dvd I've used once. I'm making it a goal to use it more often. Its simple right, just get off my butt and go walk or just do some yoga, the yoga is probably what will help me the best especially when I'm trying to recover from shin splints.. Well finding the motivations and time is what gets me. When I'm working I just don't want to do anything, and I don't have my husband to be accountable to. I need to find someone who will get after me on my work days to get off my butt and do something. I've considered joining a gym, but I've failed miserably the last two time when I joined. I think I only went a few times and let them just suck their monthly fee's out of me. I don't want to join and pay money until I know for sure I'll make the best of it. I want to lose weight not money.

So here is my game plan to get me thru my work week (My work week is usually wednesday thru sunday- Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of M-F 9-5 job.)

Today-Rest and go shopping, I looked thru my fridge and realized I need to buy some better food, good snack stuff to take with me to work. Help combat hungry and keep me from bingeing when I get home from work.

Friday-Get up-do yoga-and go to work

Saturday-Get up-walk maybe run-and go to work

Sunday-Get up, relax and probably clean the house

Monday-Really kick start my weight lost journey. I'm going to post my starting weight. My before pics (they may be a little scary) take measurements of my whole body, and start some sort of food journal in my blog. I figure if I'm letting the world know what I'm eating I'll want to make better choices.

Good plan right?

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Week 1 Day 3

Today was a sad day.....

I stepped on the scale today. Talk about reality hitting me upside the head. The evil scaled weighed me in at 237.4lbs!!!!

HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!

I have never been this big. I definitely need to get my act together if I want to even come close to my high school weight, or just a weight that makes me smile when I step on the scale.

Even though I worked my butt off in the gym it just doesn't feel like its working. I need to find some motivation and encouragement.

What makes things even worse I have to work tonight and face the evil cone cups of doom. Cause having this terrible realization means I need to quit soda IMMEDIATELY. Damn you Dr. Pepper and your delicious 23 flavors.

Must resist grazing.

I also need good suggestion of snacks to take with me on the go or at work that taste good, easy to carry/ out together.

Ok Abs diet for women I'm ready to start taking you serious.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Week 1 Day 2

Confession: My thighs rub together.

Thus the reason why I wear pants on a regular basis and very rarely wear skirts, dresses, and shorts.

Lets take a walk down memory lane. Many moons ago I use to go to camp....NOT band camp! It was a typical camp where each week is a different age group, doing typical camp things, ropes course, nature activities, sports, crafts, etc. At the age of 13 one can stay at camp and be a "junior staffer" which basically means you volunteer to help keep the camp clean. Cleaning dishes, bathrooms, maintenance etc. All of us junior staffers stay in the farmhouse, work, hang out and just have fun. At the end of every night our staff parents would get us together for a nightly devotion. Which usually ends with prayer request of all sorts. Well one night, Chris, raised his hand for a prayer request. You see Chris is a big kid, and had an unusual request. In all his seriousness, requested prayer for his thighs. Because he was so big, his thighs had a tendency to rub together. And in the hot summer walking around a hot kitchen cleaning dishes tended to make his legs rub together quit a bit and get to the point where the skin got irritated, became red, and bled. It was a rather awkward moment because he was being serious and probably in a lot of pain, but it was an usual prayer request and most difficult for teens to keep from snickering. You felt bad but kinda glad that was something you never had to worry about....Don't worry it gets better.

Every night for our devo's the older staffers take turns leading the staff in a devotion. Chris volunteered for one night, and he used his bleeding thighs as an example for his devotion. So to aid him in his explanation he had his friend Katie reenact his pain. From walking around to the kitchen, slowing down, showing pain in the thighs and the upset realizing they are bleeding. It was most comical cause Katie was about 5'9" and weighed maybe 120lbs. So it was fun to watch a skinny girl try to act out a fat kids pain. Needless to say Chris was always a good sport about his weight. He even named his fat legged condition. I can't remember now, but he really wanted it to become a legitimant condition something recorded in a medical journal.

Ok back to today, No my legs are not that big that they rub together and bleed, but I'm sure I'm 20lbs away from that being a problem. Right now they just rub time to time and get a little irritated. Remembering Chris' pain is a good reminder to me to get in shape before I have bleeding thighs.

Today, I did cardio and just about died. First of all I made the mistake of wearing slightly too short shorts. I chose them because they had pockets and I need somewhere to put my ipod. Which seemed like a good idea cause I would be running so fewer the clothes, less wind resistance, stay cooler longer.....not so much. I was on a treadmill and sweating beyond all reason. Then the shorts just didn't sit right and basically turned into camel toe and in a weird position, but if I tried to fix it my thigh would rub and that was no bueno. So I felt a bit awkward while running, thankfully my husband was the only other one in the gym so I didn't look like a fool to anyone else. If you are at all confused at what I'm talking about you're too skinny. Chubby girls around the world will know what I'm talking about.

Since I am training to run a 5K I figured I would start some of my training today. While reading my guide to training for a 5K, it was a basic interval training of walking, then running, then walking. They suggest starting with a brisk walk and move up to a run from there. Well, since I lived in NYC for a year I've got brisk walk down to a T, its the running I need to work on. Before, today when I would go to the gym (which was about once a week if I'm lucky) I would do some interval training of sprinting for 20 seconds, walk for 40 seconds, etc. Well, I figured I would work on my endurance and run for a minute walk for a minute, so I can work up to running for minutes at a time....maybe one day for a full hour straight. That's a big dream for me. Well, the sprinting training was working cause I would be good for about 30 seconds and then want to quit, and I wasn't even sprinting just jogging. So I would find myself running and telling myself think of being a size 8, no tummy, extra energy, being able to shop in my favorite stores. BUT what really kept me running, the music I was listening to, the skinny bitches like Gaga, Britney, Beyonce, Katie Perry, and christina, and they would make me want to get fit. Make a music video and kick ass on youtube. Well I'll need to learn how to sing first, but in the mean time, use their music as a motivation to keep working out.

I'm sure that teeters on the line of media influencing me to fit this skinny obsessed with image body type. I'm sure those girls work hard to get the body they have and maintain that body. I think as long as I keep a good balance of wanting a hot, fit body, while maintaining a healthy lifestyle I'll achieve the goal and not turning into an insecure girl. I want to get thin and fit, but won't do anything drastic....thats because I love food too much to give it up or throw it up.

Tomorrow, more weight training....if I can pull myself out of bed.

Week 1 Day 1

So today (yesterday) was not too bad. Got up, had a decent breakfast and then the fun began. You see I've been having some sort of allergic reaction to something (I'm pretty sure its the Dog but my husband loves the dog too much for me to blame it on the dog.). So this morning i notice a small amount of hives on my belly and I had been sneezing like crazy, so I took a benadryl. My husbanded headed to the gym, and when he was done he would let me know and then I would meet up with him and then he would put me thru a work out.

So I sat done to watch a little TV and fold some laundry. You know get the house a little picked up before I headed out. Well, next thing I know I'm passed out on the couch and had no idea I fell asleep. So i freak out cause I didn't do anything and my husband was going to call me soon. I began to rush around the house and try to get everything together for my work out. I realize I can't find my phone anywhere. I look around find it right in front of me and then set it down again making a mental note where it is. Now I can't find my sports bra, look every and then I find in the first place i look. I finish getting stuff together and look for my phone wondering if my husband called. I can't find it again, so i grab the house phone and call it....can't hear it all. I begin to freak I know i just had it. I know I put somewhere I wouldn't forget. I start to running around the house, then the dog gets up and there it is the dog was laying on it. The entire time I'm running around the house I'm wondering why am I so out of it and tired.....DUH!!! I took a benadryl....man that thing got the best of me.

So I finally, sit down and think maybe I should sleep this off. Nope thats when my husband calls ready to work out. So I drag myself to the gym and proceeded to have my butt kicked. But when I'm done, I actually feel good. I'm drained and tired, but I feel like I could conquer the world.

Now according to Men's health the best thing to have after a workout is chocolate milk. It's the perfect balance of protein and sugar. A good recovery drink. Unfortunately we were out it, so I settled for PB and J and milk. Which is a rather healthy considering my kitchen is slowing turning into "organic, whole grain, natural" kitchen. I used the rudy's multi-oat bread which actually tastes good for whole grain bread, and according the "Eat this Not that" supermarket guide its the best choice for bread. Then I used natural peanut butter and natural jam, I've become a label reader and looking for the things with the fewer ingredients just the real stuff. To wash it down I had a tall glass of Horizon Organic milk!!! I love that stuff, if you haven't tried it you should. Its a good start to making over your fridge.

So far so good! Then it was date night with the hubbs. Thats when it went down hill!!! We ate out and just kinda pigged out. Probably shouldn't have but it was good food and I was hungry. We did manage to skip dessert. After dinner we headed to the movies. We had time to kill and discussed getting custard, but we decided we had already ate too much and don't need the extra calories. So we prevailed and resisted the custard.

So I did not call the doctor, but have till the end of the week to get that scheduled.

I did find my first "healthy" book to read. Abs Diet for Women. My husband bout it a while a go but I never fully read it. So I figured I start with that instead of spending more money a book when I have one at home I haven't read.

Oh and I found a really good training program for training for a 5k.