Week 3 Day 1

I'M STARTING TO SEE THE CHANGE!!

Ok so I haven't lost much weight but I really think I'm gaining muscle and my body is starting to shape up. You know less flab and sag more tone and lift. This is how I know I'm making progress. You know how you pull a pair of pants out of the dryer and they immediately are a bit tight. Which was great when I was thin, I would throw my jeans in the dryer while I got ready, then magically fresh tight jeans to wear out! If you wear your pants long enough they stretch out to a nice comfortable fit. Needless to say my pants start tight and tend to stay on the tight side and very rarely stretch out. Well the other night I put on a pair of pants fresh from the dryer and they felt lose, like they do when they are stretched out. Another pair of pants I was wearing just got looser and looser as I wore them, looser than normal. I'm definitely making progress.

Ok so last week after one of my work outs I felt completely stripped of all emotions. I basically pulled myself out of bed and was fighting to finish my workout. I was so tired, and felt so defeated I had nothing left in me. I started to talk to my husband after the workout and I just wanted to cry. As I drove home with tears streaming down my face I had so many thoughts and emotions going through my brain I just didn't know where to begin. All I could do was think of every Biggest Loser episode where Bob and Jillian work a person until they have nothing left just raw emotions. Then they are able to get to the core of their food addiction and rebuild them into a new person. My head started to spin, I wanted to eat cause I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to eat, I just felt like that was what to do next. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to give up. So what was my solution? I slept.

FRUSTRATION!!!!

The more I pondered my emotional mess, I realized I'm an emotional eater. I eat to reward, I eat to comfort, I eat to curb anger, I eat to de-stress, and I eat when I'm bored. I kinda knew I was an emotional eater, but its worse than I thought. Now that I'm aware of my emotional eating I have never realized how much I think about food. ALL THE TIME. What taste good, what will make me feel good in that moment. How what food can solve my problem. What is fun to eat when I'm bored. How this food will make me feel better when I'm sad, stressed, angry etc.

Which is why I changed the name of my blog.

What have I discovered? The working out is paying off. I'm feeling better, and I find myself wanting to work out. If I'm having a bad day and I work out...I feel better. I need to relieve some stress, I work out.

Plus I've made it through the second week curse. I don't think it's a curse more of an extremely large bump in the road, a big fat mental obstacle that everyone face when they are making a change in their life. I don't think I'm quite through that part yet. I've made a lot of progress but still have a ways to go. I'm getting close to making my work outs a habit and I'm slowly making over my kitchen.

I asked my husband when I first started this journey if I get my body back and turn it into ONE HOT BOD!! I could have a coming out party. You know get all my friends together have a huge party and wear an amazing outfit that closer to a size 8 or 6. Well I decided to make my birthday my goal. Wouldn't it be great if I could start my 27th year of life with a new body?

So here's the long term goal!

By January 17th 2011

I will be 50lbs lighter and a size 8!!